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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Ha.  So many women wait until their 30s to get married.  Surely a 23, 24, 30 year old woman can make a valid choice about having sex before marriage.

I waited a veeeery long time, into my 20s.  I didn't think it was immoral or sinful to have sex before marriage.  I just knew what was right for me.

I'm an atheist.[/quote]

PS: My parents didn't think it was immoral or sinful, either.  Mum talked with me about birth control in my teens.  They allowed me to express how I felt about boys, relationships, all that.  Another sister also waited a very long time--oh, how chaste we were. :)  Third sister held out 'til age 15 or 16.  She was always the leader in her relationships, and still is, in some ways now that she's in her mid 30s.  Always very responsible, too.  Parents never worried about her being bullied or coerced.

I think the key here is that everyone was safe, made good choices, was respectful, expected to be respected, was informed, knew all about science, thoughtful and reflective, and all that.  Honestly.  [b]Self-awareness, other-awareness, and science are the holy trinity when it comes to sexual choices[/b].[/quote]

Those are YOUR values about sex. Not everyone shares them and that is actually okay. Others have other values that they see as important related to sexual choices. Your parents instilled in you their values about sex and you seem to have continued to share in their values. Ops daughter may do the same and continue to share the values her parents instill in her. [/quote]

Sorry to belabor the point, but I think there is a huge difference between sexual values that come out of one's religion or general life philosophy (like PP's values that seem to come from her family's general belief in respecting other people and making smart choices in life) and a sex-negative value that seems unrelated to any deeply held religious belief. If OP had said, "we don't go to Hindu temple, but one of the most important criteria when selecting an after school program for my child is that they practice strict Hinduism and feed her a strictly vegetarian diet and emphasize the importance of adhering to such a diet for the rest of her life." Would you say, "OP is entitled to raise her child Hindu," or would you assume that OP has some (probably unhealthy) obsession with restricting what her child eats that has nothing to do with religion or core moral values?[/quote]

I'm giving the OP the benefit of the doubt. For all we know she has had or knows those who have had negative experiences from having sex early on and therefore wants to raise her DD in an environment that encourages waiting. No, I don't think it's effective either, but I get trying to raise your kid better than you were (assuming OP has negative history with sexual activity) and sometimes that results in different choices.

For example, maybe someone comes from a family of alcoholics and doesn't want her child around parents who drink openly. We can all say, "Seeing an adult drink at a dinner party doesn't lead to alcoholism, and besides, your kid is 6! she's not going to pop open a cold one anytime soon." But that person may be sensitive to exposure from an early age. OP may not think 6 is too early for this or maybe she wants to have her DD build a community for years that openly values abstinence.

We just don't know.[/quote]

The problem is, the only time I have actually seen this "work", is when abstinence was one of many values help by a close-knit faith or cultural community. Children raised in such communities will sometimes (not always) willingly delay intercourse until they are at least in a serious relationship, and even pass those values to their own children. On the other hand, kids raised with abstinence as "the" value are much more likely to join the ranks of guilt-ridden neurotics or teenage parents. [/quote]

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