Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is 17 years older than me. Twenty years gap is not THAT huge to be "just for the money."

Again, my neighbor used to brag how her retired husband - 15 years her senior - was home, which meant they never dealt with childcare.

And then he had the stroke.

Anonymous wrote:These people speak as if love is purely selective, easy to find, and permanent within the correct age parameters. If you can find genuine love you are a fool to avoid it because of current social convention or because of the prospect that decades into the future he or she maybe more elderly than the other. The gift of true love is rare and it should not be wasted.

Anonymous wrote:These people speak as if love is purely selective, easy to find, and permanent within the correct age parameters. If you can find genuine love you are a fool to avoid it because of current social convention or because of the prospect that decades into the future he or she maybe more elderly than the other. The gift of true love is rare and it should not be wasted.

Anonymous wrote:Yes. Divorced professor hitting on young student.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well... I married, and then divorced, a man 30 years my senior. I am not proud of this, thought I don't regret it, as we have two wonderful children.

What was I thinking, you ask? He was my grad school professor, attractive in an Ivy League sort of way and a real academic hot shot; I had just come out of a 5-year relationship and was broken-hearted; I did not for a single second think it was anything but a fling, but he sort of swept me off my feet ("I love you, I'd do anything for you, you're so smart and wonderful, I know this is crazy but I will do anything to make this work."; I kept thinking I'd meet someone else but didn't; finally, after five years "dating" and convinced it would never last, I was 30, had not met someone else I liked better, and really, really wanted to have children. And... I was still somewhat in awe of him, and very flattered by his devotion. And... yes, I was brought up by a single mom and though I could never had admitted this to myself at the time, I was probably attracted by the stability. It was not about money, however; he's an academic and does fine, but isn't rich; by five years into the marriage I was out-earning him.

Fast forward seven years: I discovered that he was depressive, anxious, hypochondriacal, controlling, angry and narcissistic; he did zero child care, refused to relocate, made it clear he wasn't interested in my friends or in anything I was interested in, and started complaining bitterly if I did anything without him. Yes, I should have seen all this coming.

We divorced, and seven years post-divorce, I am not happily remarried to a man my own age who is a great partner and a great stepdad to my kids, who adore him.

As for my ex? He managed to find himself another grad student, of course. He is now living with a woman who is 42 years younger than he is. Yes, that's 42 years (he is 76, she is 34).

I totally get what's in it for him: he gets an adoring young woman who thinks he's a genius. As for what's in it for her.... nothing, really. He's not rich; he has five kids (ours plus two from a previous marriage) and six grandkids, and he presumably won't want more kids; by law and our divorce agreement, if he dies while our kids are minors, most of his money has to go into a trust for them.

All I can say is that pretty much by definition, she must be way more mixed up than I was. I feel rather sorry for her (though I also want to shake her, and say, "What kid of idiot ARE you???").

The biggest red flag in thsi case was not his age, but the previous marriage. Yes, he sounds like a selfish immature so and so.

Anonymous wrote:Well... I married, and then divorced, a man 30 years my senior. I am not proud of this, thought I don't regret it, as we have two wonderful children.

What was I thinking, you ask? He was my grad school professor, attractive in an Ivy League sort of way and a real academic hot shot; I had just come out of a 5-year relationship and was broken-hearted; I did not for a single second think it was anything but a fling, but he sort of swept me off my feet ("I love you, I'd do anything for you, you're so smart and wonderful, I know this is crazy but I will do anything to make this work."; I kept thinking I'd meet someone else but didn't; finally, after five years "dating" and convinced it would never last, I was 30, had not met someone else I liked better, and really, really wanted to have children. And... I was still somewhat in awe of him, and very flattered by his devotion. And... yes, I was brought up by a single mom and though I could never had admitted this to myself at the time, I was probably attracted by the stability. It was not about money, however; he's an academic and does fine, but isn't rich; by five years into the marriage I was out-earning him.

Fast forward seven years: I discovered that he was depressive, anxious, hypochondriacal, controlling, angry and narcissistic; he did zero child care, refused to relocate, made it clear he wasn't interested in my friends or in anything I was interested in, and started complaining bitterly if I did anything without him. Yes, I should have seen all this coming.

We divorced, and seven years post-divorce, I am not happily remarried to a man my own age who is a great partner and a great stepdad to my kids, who adore him.

As for my ex? He managed to find himself another grad student, of course. He is now living with a woman who is 42 years younger than he is. Yes, that's 42 years (he is 76, she is 34).

I totally get what's in it for him: he gets an adoring young woman who thinks he's a genius. As for what's in it for her.... nothing, really. He's not rich; he has five kids (ours plus two from a previous marriage) and six grandkids, and he presumably won't want more kids; by law and our divorce agreement, if he dies while our kids are minors, most of his money has to go into a trust for them.

All I can say is that pretty much by definition, she must be way more mixed up than I was. I feel rather sorry for her (though I also want to shake her, and say, "What kid of idiot ARE you???").

Anonymous wrote:Well... I married, and then divorced, a man 30 years my senior. I am not proud of this, thought I don't regret it, as we have two wonderful children.

What was I thinking, you ask? He was my grad school professor, attractive in an Ivy League sort of way and a real academic hot shot; I had just come out of a 5-year relationship and was broken-hearted; I did not for a single second think it was anything but a fling, but he sort of swept me off my feet ("I love you, I'd do anything for you, you're so smart and wonderful, I know this is crazy but I will do anything to make this work."; I kept thinking I'd meet someone else but didn't; finally, after five years "dating" and convinced it would never last, I was 30, had not met someone else I liked better, and really, really wanted to have children. And... I was still somewhat in awe of him, and very flattered by his devotion. And... yes, I was brought up by a single mom and though I could never had admitted this to myself at the time, I was probably attracted by the stability. It was not about money, however; he's an academic and does fine, but isn't rich; by five years into the marriage I was out-earning him.

Fast forward seven years: I discovered that he was depressive, anxious, hypochondriacal, controlling, angry and narcissistic; he did zero child care, refused to relocate, made it clear he wasn't interested in my friends or in anything I was interested in, and started complaining bitterly if I did anything without him. Yes, I should have seen all this coming.

We divorced, and seven years post-divorce, I am not happily remarried to a man my own age who is a great partner and a great stepdad to my kids, who adore him.

As for my ex? He managed to find himself another grad student, of course. He is now living with a woman who is 42 years younger than he is. Yes, that's 42 years (he is 76, she is 34).

I totally get what's in it for him: he gets an adoring young woman who thinks he's a genius. As for what's in it for her.... nothing, really. He's not rich; he has five kids (ours plus two from a previous marriage) and six grandkids, and he presumably won't want more kids; by law and our divorce agreement, if he dies while our kids are minors, most of his money has to go into a trust for them.

All I can say is that pretty much by definition, she must be way more mixed up than I was. I feel rather sorry for her (though I also want to shake her, and say, "What kid of idiot ARE you???").

Anonymous wrote:My DH is 22 years older than I am. We are the love of each other's lives. Happily married for almost 15 years, with three kids. He makes much more money than I do, but he's also much more senior in his career. And I've made over $200,000 since I was 27, so money's never been on my mind. You may be shocked to hear this, but we just love working together, playing together, and raising a family together. I wish you the same for your family.