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[quote=Anonymous]While my parents were good parents in many ways, I am not close with them emotionally. I speak to my mom once a week but not about anything of importance. I've thought about this a lot now that I have a 7mo. My thoughts:

My parents felt they didn't need to earn my respect. Unfortunately, one can force obedience to a large extent, but you can't force respect. Looking back I should have been more respectful of them for all the things they did for me, but what I'm referring to is respect as a human - with opinions, with valid feelings, etc.

I'm not sure my mom ever apologized, even once. Either she truly believes or wanted to project on us so that we would believe that if mom did it, that makes it right. Doesn't matter if experts or the mainstream doesn't approve.

The corollary to that, and something I've only been able to put into words recently (with a good therapist!) is that whatever was ever wrong between me and my mom must have been my fault, if my mom saw herself as infallible.

In fact, my mom used to tell me that as am infant, I was fussy and didn't wanto to be held by her. My therapist was like - you see that she's projecting her stuff on to you, right? Babies want to be held by their moms unless mom is going though stuff and can't provide comfort. Never thought of if that way!

And finally, my mom was a terrible listener and was very judge mental

So these are the things I will keep in mind. [/quote]

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