Reply to Ways to make life move forward when everyone else is having babies and you aren't and probably won't

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I'm so sorry for what you're going through.  I'll offer my thoughts on the chance they may be useful to you although I haven't experienced infertility, so I apologize in advance if what I say is insensitive or wildly off the mark. I have suffered other major life traumas or disappointments (for lack of a better description) while surrounded by others who haven't, so extrapolating from there  and probably explaining myself poorly. . . I have found that some things are better dealt with by plowing into them rather than avoiding them.

Maybe not immediately, but perhaps you might find some long term comfort in embracing a fierce role in the lives of your friends' or family's children.  I mean more than just being that special auntie that brings a gift when she visits, but really being a pillar in a child's life.  Ask about them, spend special one on one time with them, attend their events, be the one they turn to for advice when they're too embarrassed to talk to their own parents.

When you take the initiative to forge a relationship, it forces you outside of thinking about what you need or want or lack and makes you think, generously, of someone else.  I find generally that when I hurt, I feel best when I do something good for others.  It sounds facile, but it feeds my ego.  Instead of thinking, "Why do bad things happen to me?  What's wrong with me?  What did I do wrong? Why is life so unfair?  I deserve better!"  I think, "Look what a good person I am.  Look how kind I am. Look how useful and necessary I am.  Look what I have to offer!"  It brings out my better self and gives me a sense of power in my life when I'm feeling like life has had its way with me.

It sounds so trite, now that I've written it, so maybe this is all stupid advice.  But I really think you can only distract yourself from pain for so long.  If you can find a way to embrace it, you might be able to transform it, at least a little, into something you can live with more easily.  At least, this has been my experience.

In any case, OP, I hope you find your way to a better place.  Best wishes.[/quote]

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