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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I did it. I think it depends entirely on the people involved, the exact underlying cirumstances, the actions the cheater takes afterwards, etc.

Many, many couples stay together after infidelity. [b]I think that sometimes they are just not the most vocal about it because it's not always something you want to admit to other people.[/b] [/quote]

This.  OP, I think a lot of us say that we would never forgive and leave the marriage.  But doing this is another thing.  There is a vast difference between a long-standing affair or a spouse sleeping with a number of people vs. a one night stand at a business conference when the marriage was at a low point.  I would be very unhappy and hurt if my wife did any of these, but would I end a marriage, years of history, and children living in a home with two parents for the third scenario?  Really cannot say for certainty that this would happen but there is no doubt that it would bring any trust to a very low level from which recovery might not happen.[/quote]

This is OP. Of all the scenarios you set forth, we are closest to the 3rd. One time at a low point.

We haven't lived together for about a year and a half, so in a way separated but have still been "dating" -- like we see each other everyday, spend the weekends together. But I really needed space. Now I feel like I can be back in the relationship fully. Like I said, I've forgiven, it's just the haunting voice I am being an idiot for doing so that lingers.[/quote]

Do what works for you and your family OP. I'm 4 years out finding out about DH's long term affair. We're still together and while we've had some really tough years, we're starting to come through it. I'm learning to forgive and also learning to stand up for myself in new ways.

I don't talk to many people about it because everyone thinks you should automatically leave.

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