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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. Thanks to the 10:42 am poster in particular for the great answer, as well as others for their constructive responses. I agree with you profoundly, across the board (your description of the downward spiral is particularly apt).

We are willing to go along with the kabuki show of "diagnosis" as you suggest, much as it sticks in the throat. We are just looking for someone who has a similar skepticism about the whole way these developmental differences are being handled but who can interface with the school and use the "magic words" so our son can get what he needs. Many of the non-drug interventions the school has rolled out have been inappropriate because they are based on the same distorted expectations (are we really going to get seriatim nasty notes because his locker is a mess? He has no problem finding things).

The problem we have found so far is that most educational psychologists make their living from the current system (with all its terrible ethical distortions and make-believe pathologies) and -- perhaps unwittingly -- are not honest brokers. Our goal is to construct a developmentally appropriate strategy for our son, going forward, in collaboration with someone who actually knows something about boys and their developmental pecadillos (and I realize this is not a problem limited to boys). We can then put it into whatever terminology makes the school happy and proceed. But first we need some help with an appropriate strategy.

I should add that we are at an independent school[/quote]

10:42 here.  Basically all the stuff I said about getting the school to evaluate and making a 504 or IEP plan only applies at public school.  A private school is not required to accommodate disability thru these processes (although, arguably, they have a requirement to make some reasonable accommodations under general ADA law).

While you might not like the cost, it seems reasonable to me that the private school is asking you to get a full neuropysch.  It is sometimes hard to understand whether a problem like messy handwriting (aka "dysgraphia") is due to problems in the brain organizing information for output (executive function) or problems in the brain with language or problems with the brain in coordination or problems with the muscle development necessary for writing.  Or whether ants-in-the-pants is within the realm of normal child behavior.  A good neuropsych can help you sort that out.  I would really encourage you to find a neuropsychologist and not just an educational psychologist, as the neuropsychs tend to do more objective testing for ADD and executive dysfunction.  (Tower of London and another computer-based test that measures attention.)  With a neuropsych a diagnosis is at least partially on the basis of these standardized and normed tests.  With an educational psychologist the diagnosis of ADD or executive dysfunction is usually just made on the basis of checklists filled out by teacher and parent and observation by the psychologist.  Diagnosis only on the latter basis (i.e. checklist only) makes me somewhat uncomfortable because it is so full of potential bias, particularly when the checklist results are close to the border.

From the school's perspective, it's important to have a "diagnosis" so that they can provide helpful accommodations for the student and so they can provide the full range of what's necessary.

I agree with others who warn that ultimately this private school may not be the right fit.  What county do you reside in? [/quote]

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