Reply to Help- advice needed regarding leaving a note for family member who smells

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I think there are two issues here -- your mom's odor and your shame about it.  And I think it's the shame that's the bigger issue.

You are not your mom.  The fact that she has body odor sometimes is no reflection on you, your cleanliness, your worth, or anything.

I would be honest with my husband and just say, hey, you've got a stinky MIL.  Better a kind and slightly odiferous one than a mean or nasty one!

My mom is incontinent.  She talks about diarrhea contstantly, like, it's her favorite topic.  I used to be embarrassed, but now I just accept it as one of her bizarre quirks.  It's no reflection on me and my husband doesn't judge me for it.

it's a great opportunity to teach your children tolerance and empathy and kindness.

As for your mom, I would just kindly and gently say to her, "Mom, I'm sure you don't realize this, but you have some pretty strong body odor right now after traveling.  I want you and the kids to feel comfortable being close and snuggling this week.  Can I help you take a shower and wash up?" and if she demurrs, well, you've done your best.  It's not the worst thing in the world if your kids have a grandma who is sweet and smells funny.

But please, please try to let go of your own shame.  This has nothing to do with you.  It's a quirk your mom has.  You're ok.  No one thinks less of you.[/quote]

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