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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
OP,

You missed that part of growing up, and now habits have become ingrained and it's tougher to separate. I went through the same thing.

1. First accept that there WILL be World War III. Prepare for it mentally, talk about it with your spouse, organize the logistics with another back-up instead of her. Reinvent your whole life without her (one day she won't be there anyway).

2. Second, start the war - limit contact. Do not answer every single email, text, voice mail. Wait a few hours, a few days, before contacting her. Never give details. Describe the past and not the future. Don't ask for her help or her opinion unless you are really ready to follow her advice (so practically never).

3. The fallout may be severe but it will pass and she will learn not to bother you so much. If not, limiting contact will save your sanity. Your children do NOT need an abusive control-freak grandma in their lives! 
When talking to her, state your positions clearly and succintly, never explain or go on the defensive. If she gets unpleasant, end the phone call or leave. NEVER apologize for this situation. Your mother is abusive and controlling and manipulative. You are not at fault.

Good luck ad stay strong![/quote]

Having BTDT, this is great advice. When controlling people's regimes fall apart, they do implode, and be prepared for them to destroy everything that they can. This can include relationships with your siblings, etc. I say this not to freak anyone out, but that it's definitely possible. The relatives who truly care about you will reach out to you--but don't try to rope them into your fight by rehashing the evils that your mother did to you in her latest attack. Just have a relationship with the people who want to have one with you (and vice-versa). If they're in it for the gossip and to feed it to your mom, you'll find out eventually. The key is to protect yourself and your family.

I'm sure you love your mom, but she's selfish, and selfish people don't love properly. She loves you but in some twisted needy way, the same way she throws a temper-tantrum when she can't help you pick out a couch for the house she doesn't live in![/quote]

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