Reply to S/o How can you minimize the chance your kid will get into drugs in high school?

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Reply to "S/o How can you minimize the chance your kid will get into drugs in high school?"

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[quote=Anonymous]There are some really helpful comments on this thread.  Thank you.  I could be the OP.  I've never done drugs and didn't party in school, so I feel a bit clueless which exacerbates my fears.  DH loves a good scotch but has never done any illegal drug.

Anyways, my very good friend is an ER doctor in Los Angeles, so she sees horrible horrible result of drug abuse practically every shift.  Young people die in front of her or become vegetables (sp?) and btw one thing that's really rough is sometimes when if she knew what drug(s) it was she can make a difference in her patient's survival or brain damage, the friends clam up because they don't want to get in trouble.  People's best friends just clam up and deny, deny, and their friend dies.  Incredible.

Anyways, we've had talks about it as recently as last week.

She reminded me that the *most important thing* about all these conversations with your kids is NOT the message to not do drugs.  That's the second most important message.

The most important takeaway that they can come to you if they mess up.  They have to be able to have screwed up and tried some drug and then be able to come to you.  If your tactics are solely about not trying the drug, it helps but if they DO try the drug, then the lying starts and they are getting no input or advice from you because they won't ask.

Relevant tangent:  In December, I had a situation with my DD (a tween still in elementary) where she was getting bullied and she didn't tell me and I actually found out from this mom in LA!  We were home for the holidays and my DD told her DD who told her mom.  When I discussed it with my DD, she said, "I didn't want to tell you because you'd go call the principal and teacher and then those girls would get in trouble and then they'd really hate me and NEVER leave me alone."  So we had to deal with those perceptions and lay that groundwork for her to tell me things and feel safe about it.

But it raises the same issue with respect to drugs:  That your kids have to not be afraid of telling you for fear of getting in trouble or fear that the other kids will get in trouble... [/quote]

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