Reply to Straight A's but only if I yell

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Oh, and I don't know if you were talking to me or not: I have nothing to say about your parenting style or the place of you in your kid's heart.  There are many ways to do things right.  Generally yelling (i.e. OP's lament) is not on that list.

I still think, though, if you focus on outcomes and not inputs you risk turning your child into a performer.  Something tells me you are not.[/quote]

Not focusing on outcomes? Or not focusing on inputs? :shock:

As a parent you need to do both. My kids excel in academics and extra-curricular activities - I will not say that they are "extremely bright" or "genius".  That is for others to determine and judge.    And if a genius is someone who excels without any effort - then I think we should also believe in purple unicorns.

And different kids respond to different things. Some need a gentle reminder, a string tied around their finger, or yelling. As long as the "yelling" is not the only input (and it seems that OP is talking to her kids about things as well) - then I do not really see the problem.

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I focus on inputs: studying, organization etc.  If he prepares for a test, and does poorly, we work on the material he doesn't know but there's no parental yelling, scorn or loss of screen time (or whatever).  If he doesn't do the studying (i.e. doesn't write the test down in his planner and then has more to do that last night than he can possibly finish...) then I crack down -- and I don't wait for the results to come  back before cracking down.  Yes, I care about outputs because repeatedly doing poorly is a sign material isn't learned.  That's a problem, for sure,  but one fixed by working on the material.  It is not a failure on my son's part to do his part.[/quote]

Asian mom -OP here I like you so much.  I am friends with people like you IRL and these friends' children are very successful and well grounded.  I try to listen as much as possible to advice like yours.   I probably need to help my DD with her organizational skills- however that is something that I have always struggled with myself so it is a struggle.  I'm also more reactive ( a bad thing) in dealing with bad grades.  If my DD doesn't study for a test but earns in the high 90's, I will let it slide.  I know there are times when I thought she really goofed off didn't study well at all and received 100 percent on a test.  My reactive approach has been to just monitor her grades at a high level.  I generally don't help her study unless she asks except math. Math is her weakest subject so we supplement at home plus she has math tutoring.  We also go over all tests together to identify mistakes she made.[/quote]

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