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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think it's an easier transition for them if it's some one they already know and regularly spend time with but if that's not possible in your situation, then I'd go with whomever I trust most to responsibly and lovingly raise my children.

The importance of an established relationship is why the first go-to for foster care is kinship care. If something happens to mom & dad, it's a lot less traumatic to go stay with grandma than with a stranger. But if your parents & siblings aren't around or not trustworthy, then you know you have to pick some one else. [/quote]

I agree that the role does not have to go to a relative. Even if parents and siblings are "around and trustworthy" they may not be the best choices. My brother and his fiancée are adamantly childless by choice, which is fine, but I would never in a million years want them raising my child for a host of reasons. They love their niece to bits in a twice-a-year-one-day-visit way, and know zilch about how kids think or what kids need (especially discipline).

A very important issue for us right now is that our child is nearly 13. When she was born we made a dear friend her guardian, and that friend still has the terrific values that would make her a wonderful guardian, but daughter hasn't seen that friend in a few years due to geographic distance (several hours), and living with that friend would mean moving to a very, very different area, local culture, school system, everything. Daughter would lose her entire network of support including old family friends here, and while that wasn't an issue when she was a baby or younger child, now, in middle school, it would only rip her up. So I am going to talk with husband about changing guardianship to a local, close friend who could do the job fine for the six years between now and college (and whom our child sees much more than the friend who lives farther away). With the kid being older, I think it's a different equation than when a kid is very young.

OP, not sure of your child's age, but that could make a difference in the decision and could be reason to change it later. If you died when your child was in middle or high school it would be very tough to pull your child out and make him or her move cross-country and lose all school friends, neighborhood connections, activities that provided supportive adults and friends, etc. A baby or toddler will be rocked by the change, of course, but can adapt in ways that would be far tougher for an older kid.[/quote]

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