Reply to Skipped T-day dinner: Long - just wanting someone to listen

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My DH also had ADHD and it is hard, but my DH has been through counseling and manages as best he can by keeping check lists - like some of the PPs have mentioned - and we have a consistent division of tasks so he always knows that if it's a weekday, his tasks are A-J. We also have several timers set up through out the house so when he does go into his bathroom/man-cave, he doesn't get lost for an hour. It means that I have to be the flexible one - when there's an extra step one day, I'm the one to do it. I can never be the one to sleep in because his routine is that he gets up 15 minutes after I do and if I keep hitting snooze, he won't get up and start his tasks. DH also can't function where there's a mess in the house - the visual mess becomes confusion in his mind and it's hard for him to keep things straight.

I really recommend that you two go to some counseling together and if he's willing, he go on his own as well. It doesn't have to be indefinite, dragging on for months on end, but just a dozen sessions or so might be enough for him come up with a game plan and get started on its implementation. Some one who internally has a lot of chaos going on in his mind needs to compensate by creating a thorough external structure for himself to follow.

Lastly, how did your husband respond when you bowed out? Would you have been open to saying "I'm not ready yet and neither are the kids. If you're ready, you can take dishes 1, 2, & 3 and head over. We'll join you when we're ready."? I just know from my perspective, if my spouse at the last minute bowed out, I'd be really hurt. I know you were hurt too, but it sounds like there's not any malice on his part, so maybe there are ways you can respond in the moment that will remind him of the other responsibilities that need tending to. [/quote]

Malice is having coping mechanisms and not using them. It is malicious on DH's part not to do what it takes to function better.[/quote]

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