Reply to Skipped T-day dinner: Long - just wanting someone to listen

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[quote=Anonymous]Ugh, OP. You sound just like me, only DH does NOT have ADHD or depression. He's not lazy either, he's just male. That's my conclusion. He simply does not notice whether or not the kids have their hats and gloves on, whether they've eaten or not, etc. He NEVER buys presents for any occasion for any of our children. He only buys gifts for me that I have chosen myself or asked our DC to help him choose. He doesn't buy his own clothes. Yesterday morning I sent him out to buy eggs, and he called me from the supermarket because he was overwhelmed by the choices. We've been married for 14 years! I always buy organic! How can he not have noticed in all that time???

The sad truth is that your DH is not that different from many men. His "male" behavior is exacerbated by his ADHD, but I don't think ADHD is at the root of it. MY DH often gets ready all by himself, stands by the door and yells at the kids to come, even though he hasn't taken care of food, the dog, etc. etc. all the things that must be done before we leave as a family.

We have had many talks about this, but I finally gave up. Now I submit a list to DH, each and every time we leave the house, either in written or oral form, that he must complete. Usually he does most of it, but often he forgets or gets so wrapped up in yelling at the kids to hurry that he leaves lunches on the kitchen counter, etc.

I am one of those who believe very strongly that diet affects behavior, and that some people are more sensitive to chemicals in our food/environment, which affect their behavior. If you google this, you'll find studies about diet and ADHD. NPR recently had a story about gut flora and mental health.

How is your DH's diet? I'm hyper careful to provide fresh, mostly organic, low-sugar food at home for everyone, so that's what DH eats (since he NEVER does any food shopping unless I send him out for a specific item). I do think diet helps, and recently I've been pushing nutritional supplements and a bit of exercise (walking the dog together, mostly) on him. It helps his mood and helps him focus better and "hear" when I ask him to do something for me.

No answers here, but I do sympathize, OP.  You have to let go of things. I've let go of my dream of having a "perfect" house for one, or having pretty much "perfect" anything. If everyone's clothed and fed and safe, well, I stop there.

I write DH a lot of notes, and leave them on his briefcase, on the kitchen counter, taped to the bathroom mirror, which helps. And this is a man without ADHD. He's just a typical MALE! Yes, I know a few men who are much more involved with home/children, but a know many more who are more like my DH and yours.

Conserve your energy, OP, and give yourself more breaks as you did yesterday. Don't expect your DH to change on his own, as he won't. Good Luck to you.[/quote]

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