Reply to About to lose it with my SIL! Will not stop comparing her children with mine!

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Using SIL as daycare really exacerbates the problem.  Since she's dealing with one of your children all day, of course she feels the need to say something about the challenges she faces with them...and since she's not a trained professional, it sounds like she's ill-equipped to deal with child development issues outside of what she's used to.  Either open up and spell out very clearly what your kid's issues are and what your ped has to say about them, or (preferably) find other daycare.  I think space will help this situation.[/quote]

I guess I worded my OP wrong.

My 22-month-old doesn't have sensory issues, it's my five-year-old.  Five-year-old goes to school, and afterwards to a friends.  So, he is rarely being taken care of by SIL.

It's expected that my children were taken care of by "family" if I wasn't going to do it myself (essentially what MIL told me.)  I don't want to cause anymore of a rift, just a stressor.  SIL keeps DH sisters child too.  I'm sure the entire family would be offended if I took DS somewhere else.  With this baby I am trying to get a promotion to where I could work from home.  [/quote]

So you let your MIL dictate or strongly influence your child care decisions? Really?  Who cares what your MIL "expects"?  Any rift resulting from not putting up with that nonsense would be your MIL's fault, not yours.[/quote]

DH makes the financial decisions, and it's cheaper to have her watch them.  It's essentially out of my hands, thanks for your concern ladies but my question is directly related to fixing this relationship.[/quote]

I'm sorry, but deciding the childcare arrangement for your child should NOT be out of your hands.  No one spouse should make financial decisions alone.  It should always be a partnership.  What people are trying to tell you is that part of fixing the relationship is changing the childcare situation.  So long as SIL is caring for your kid, she is always going to feel she has a say and knows better.  You will never be able to draw boundaries so long as she is your nanny.  period.  So there is not "fixing" the relationship without removing that aspect of it.

But if you have given up any say in the financial or childcare decisions your family makes, then no wonder she feels she can and should tell you what to do.

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