Reply to About to lose it with my SIL! Will not stop comparing her children with mine!

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Using SIL as daycare really exacerbates the problem.  Since she's dealing with one of your children all day, of course she feels the need to say something about the challenges she faces with them...and since she's not a trained professional, it sounds like she's ill-equipped to deal with child development issues outside of what she's used to.  Either open up and spell out very clearly what your kid's issues are and what your ped has to say about them, or (preferably) find other daycare.  I think space will help this situation.[/quote]

I guess I worded my OP wrong.

My 22-month-old doesn't have sensory issues, it's my five-year-old.  Five-year-old goes to school, and afterwards to a friends.  So, he is rarely being taken care of by SIL.

It's expected that my children were taken care of by "family" if I wasn't going to do it myself (essentially what MIL told me.)  I don't want to cause anymore of a rift, just a stressor.  SIL keeps DH sisters child too.  I'm sure the entire family would be offended if I took DS somewhere else.  With this baby I am trying to get a promotion to where I could work from home.  [/quote]

Ah.

This is the big red flag that wasn't in the original post, OP.

"It's expected that my children were taken care of by family...essentially what MIL told me....SIL keeps DH sister's child too...I'm sure the family would be offended if I took DS somewhere else..."

Your in-laws are telling you how you and your husband will raise your kids and you are lying down and saying "As you wish" because you fear offending them.

What is wrong with that picture?

What happens when your youngest is too small for your SIL's taste so she starts feeding your child things you dont' necessarily want your child eating? (hat happens when she takes your child somewhere without asking you, or otherwise....treats your child as if your child is hers ? She is going to go beyond just commenting and advising one day; you do see that, don't you? And you PAY her for this? Take your money elsewhere, OP.

Or is your husband all on board about only his family caring for your children? If so, you and he have bigger problems. His family is way, way too close -- geographically and in other ways too. Does your husband go along with all this? Or is he the "Oh, just ignore her, we have day care and it's family" route of being totally blind to how controlling they are?

I would talk with husband about boundaries, lots of them, now. When you have your baby, if you can't find that work-at-home job you want, will baby go to critical and controllin sister too?

Find day care. Your in-laws will cry that you're cold, you don't love them, you let strangers take care of your children. But the alternative is letting SIL (and I'm betting MIL does it too) tell you how to raise your children, every day, eternally. [/quote]

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