Reply to If you had Cancer How much help would you expect from you SO

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The past is the past. Please don't hold a grudge. It's not healthy- analyzing it.

My husband had cancer. We both longed for the "gift of normalcy". We hoped each day would be ordinary. Some people need this more than others to cope. Assume your husband was holding-it-together best he could. Those who love you will show their love and concern in different ways. You can't dictate it.[/quote]

OP here: Isn't that what therapy does is to analyze the past?  My DH thinks my perspective was skewed.  He thought he did the best that he could.[/quote]

No.  Therapy is to help you cope with the present and the future.  If that means you have to hash over the past, then so be it.  But, IMO, it's generally healthier to just look forward.

I was the poster who had cancer (with 2 young kids) and who felt quite alone and perhaps a tiny bit let down by DH.  But I realized you can't control others and you really have to adjust your expectations ... your DH needed help and support at the time, too.  He was probably doing the best he could.  It will be tough on him if you now tell him his best wasn't good enough.  Does he love you?  Do you love him?  If yes to both, then I suggest you accept him for what he is, realize it was an extremely difficult situation with young kids, and move forward positively.[/quote]

Why keep going forward and repeating your past?  He loves me and I love him back.  But sometimes I feel that the support is not there because his job comes first.  I'm searching for answers beyond this cancer moment.  There have been other incidents where I felt abandoned maybe it's my perspective and my skewed view on things but is it really my view and it's not reality?  Somewhere down the line I may get sick again and I want to feel his support.  Maybe things will be different and the kids will be grown and we'll be in a different place in life.[/quote]

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