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[quote=Anonymous]OP here. Thank you to all who weighed in. I cannot tell how how much this helped, honestly. My post here set in motion a series of conversations, and research and decisions. We have spoken at length with a professional, providing background, information, and details of BIL's behavior to get more feedback. We heard the same from her: this is mental illness and needs to begin treatment. DH called his brother this week and told me later that within 5 minutes he was convinced this is indeed mental illness. We have both since been able to let go of whatever frustration and anger we had toward BIL--we are convinced this is not his choice and that he needs all of our help and support, however we can give it. In the conversation with DH, BIL told DH of several recent situations in which he was either an aggressor a potential victim. In one instance the police were called; in another he was let go from his temporary job for frightening the other employees. DH has spoke with his parents--that is a whole other issue. They still maintain he has some responsibility for his behavior, but in the same convo they also admitted they too believe he is ill. So I don't know. We believe the first step is to find out what his diagnosis for getting the SSI was; MIL says he is getting SSI for "mood swings" and ADD--can one get SSI for that? Is it possible he was diagnosed with schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder but never told his parents? Clearly anything is possible. Now my fear has more shifted to a fear FOR him instead of FROM him. I see him as more vulnerable than anything else and I am so scared he will wind up on the street and we will lose track of him.

As for Christmas: we are getting a hotel room for a couple of nights and saying it is for space reasons. I have compassion for BIL and am going to do my best with the situation--he is a good person with a pure heart--he deserves my understanding and love, and I will do my best to provide it while still being on alert and prioritizing our safety. If I sense an explosion coming--they happen, esp between BIL and his sister (SIL), I will remove myself and children from the house without word or apology. But my plan is to go into it trying to balance it all. I am praying for strength and wisdom, I can tell you that.

Thanks again to you all. You have helped very much.[/quote]

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