Reply to IF husband has borderline personality disorder- a death sentence for the marriage?

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Reply to "IF husband has borderline personality disorder- a death sentence for the marriage?"

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[quote=Anonymous]You sound very upset.

First, you spouse may or may not have BPD.  You can't diagnose her.  But that doesn't mean she doesn't need help.

I am in treatment for BPD.  I have made a lot of strides.  I used to have moderate BPD.  Now I have mild BPD, and sometimes I even have good days.  But, when triggered, I can have bad days, too.

DBT does help, but it requires commitment and work.  You attend a college-like class once a week.  It's not at all like group therapy, where everybody shares their feelings.  There are materials; you learn and practice specific skills, and you do homework.  And once a week, you meet individually with your DBT therapist.  DBT was developed by Marsha Linehan, and her story is here: http://www.nytimes.com/2011/06/23/health/23lives.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0.  The video is particularly compelling.  Classes are also offered for family members of those enrolled in DBT.

I cannot really relate to people who refuse help.  I am sort of like Woody Allen when it comes to therapy.  However, from what I understand, most people with BPD refuse to go to treatment because they are too ashamed.

If your wife will not seek any help and you've reached a point of intolerability, maybe you do need to leave.  I have a suggestion, though.  And I've repeated it above.  And though I often do not like when people preach to me about books, I will do it again.  I started to notice that one of my children seemed to be very emotional, and I became concerned about the possibility that my child could develop BPD.  I started using some of the techniques I learned in DBT with my child, but it wasn't until I read When Hope Is Not Enough by Bon Dobbs that I really was able to help my child.  He gives you very specific tools that you can use to help your family member.  He is a lay person, and he does not have the disorder himself.  But his wife and one of his children do, and that is the basis for his experience.  The book is self-published and it could have used a proofreading, but I think it is the best book out there if you truly want to stay in a relationship with a BPD family member.

Since you seem very upset, you may not want to wait for the book.  You can go to www.anythingtostopthepain.com and find there a link to his on-line support group for those with a loved one who has BPD.  These people are AWESOME.  They will help you.[/quote]

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