Reply to IF husband has borderline personality disorder- a death sentence for the marriage?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm sorry I said that to you.  It's OK that you cussed me out.  A lot of people say things like "If it's BPD run.  They'll never change."  I see it all the time right here on this board.

And it's just not true.  People with BPD are unfairly stigmatized and there a now effective treatments.  But it is no picnic.

I strongly advise you to get away from this therapist.  As I said, BPD is the new black these days.  Therapists used to refuse to treat Borderlines -- it was just a label they slapped on to any patient that was oppositional, or did not get "cured" quick enough.  Now that there are recognized treatments, every therapist wants a piece of the action.  I think you are perceptive in stating that this therapist is "looking" for BPD.  She's on the hunt.

And speaking of thyroid glands, I had a situation that fits perfectly into falling into the net of someone with a predisposition to go looking for things.  I went for a physical once, and was asked if I wanted my thryroid checked.  I said sure.  The next thing I knew I was being called back again and again for more and more bloodwork and told I probably had a tumor in my pituiatary gland -- minor brain surgery, no big deal.  I was hysterical  An endocrinologist finally put an end to the whole thing.  I was taking a vitamin that caused the test to register incorrectly.  The point being that I never needed the test and got caught in this guy's net because he liked to look for thyroid problems uninvited.

This is why I recommend Wake Kendall.  They are the pioneers of bringing DBT to DC.  They are not lacking for business, and therefore have no motivation to diagnose someone as Borderline if they are not.  And they know how to diagnose correctly.  They are experts.  It also could be that you husband does not have BPD, but could benefit from DBT anyway.  DBT is not exclusively a treatment for BPD.  It can help with anxiety and depression as well.

I am again sorry that I allowed other the prejudice of others to prejudice me against you.  I hope you will accept my apology.

Finally, the questions you are asking are not easy to answer.  BPD is complicated.  But I will leave you with this very quick video which I think actually sums it up brilliantly, and it's actually very funny.  Have a nice weekend.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iraGmA7-9FA[/youtube][/quote]

18:02 - I am not hte OP.  Are you a non-BPD in a relationship with a BPD or are you a BPD?  I am married now close to 17 years to a BPD, and I can tell you it is a living hell.  Just because my BPD spouse lives in a world of anxiety, fear, depression, etc. does not give her a pass to behave as she does.  I would really like her to understand this, but she does not.  She needs to accept responsibility for herself and for her actions.  I would love for her to go to therapy and try to heal, but she is not going to do this.  To go to therapy in her mind is to accept there is something wrong with her.   In her mind, there is nothing wrong. It it the world around her that is wrong.  I feel really sorry for her, but I feel I am at a point where if she will not accept therapy, I need to walk.  I have know this, perhaps, for some time, but her irrationality in the face of a current family crisis has just hammered it home.  If I cannot rely on her, as my spouse, to stand by me in a very important hour of need for the sake of our family and not have it all about her feelings, I need to go.

I sometimes wonder if BPD's, like alcoholics or drug addicts, need to hit bottom and where that bottom is.  BPD spouse has already been arrested and jailed, had restraining orders taken out on her, but none of this seems to make her consider that her actions are the source of all her problems.  [/quote]

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