Reply to IF husband has borderline personality disorder- a death sentence for the marriage?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I strongly advise you to ditch the therapist opining that "thoughts" are at the root of BPD.  That she does not know that emotions come before the thoughts is a huge red flag.

Call the Wake Kendall Group.  They are the experts in the area.  They offer DBT.  It doesn't get any better than them.

www.wakekendall.com

Good luck to you.[/quote]

OP here. THanks for everyone who gave good advice. Therapist did not per se talk about thoughts being at the root of BPD., and most certainly she never said, nor did I ever say, that emotions are not coming through. The whole essence of the problem is MAJOR emotion coming through, a problem with regulation, but ALSO some scary thoughts like people cant be trusted (including me), that its because I dont love him that he gets angry, then saying things he "does not mean", yet never understanding WHY he says things he does not mean, or does things he does not understand.
 Its like there is no center from which he thinks and acts. Its almost like its done on the fly, with no recall of previously made assertions.

Thank you for the referral.

And I dont drink anyone's  koolaid. Including that therapist- for ME the big red flag, upon reflection, was that everytime I said "No, that one DEFINITELY does NOT fit" she looked like I might not know what I am talking about. Skeptical. And there are a few that just did not, kind of important ones. like Idealizing friends and then ditching them. DH has husbands for decades, as do I. So no, that did not fit.

It reminds me of the time a gyn looked at my neck and diagnosed a possible thyroid problem, despite me having regular tests and exams of same. He was oddly insistent that he had many times diagnosed thyroid problems noone else saw. Well, 20 years later and my thryroid is still fine. POint being, this guy had a "thing" about thyroids, and I began to , to use a word, opine that she has a "thing" about bordeline personality disorder. Like she sees if because she wants to, or maybe she has had some luck with it in the past.

Also she talks WAY to much- interrupting frequently. At one point I just said "He doesnt do that, or say things like that" and she said "but its the thoughts" to which I said "We can only understand a persons thoughts based on their actinos and words. What other criterion can we use?"

So in that sense maybe she was getting at thoughts in a way that is amiss, but even worse, she dismissed that thoughts could be in any way known from actions or things said. Its at least a place to start!!

Thanks again. If you were one I cussed out, I hope you can forgive me- I  for not wanting to be told by anyone that I was looking HERE (or ANYwhere) for a way out. Ive been through hell. I have lost my best friend. And I have stayed to try to get him to come back. I am devastated and I miss him terribly. But he is not there anymore, and I dont know what to do. I know I cant bring him back. Yet in some ways I may be his only hope. I jsut cant tell anymore.[/quote]

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