Reply to Husband swearing at children

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]And for the posters who are saying his behavior is abusive...yes it is, but OP knows this already...she is looking for advice and opinions.[/quote]

I am not convinced the OP really knows this, at least on a deeply fundamental level. Ostensibly she posts here looking for "advice and opinions", but she is quite adamant that she cannot leave him because she is in a Catch 22. She seems to be holding on to the delusion that she can "talk him into" seeing the error of his ways, and that divorce is not really an option.

We cannot address the husband here; we only have access to the OP who comes seems to be determined to paint herself into this corner and claim that leaving him would put her children at MORE risk than they are by staying with him.

I understand, OP, that you may feel trapped and powerless and that leaving him is dangerous. And frankly, you ARE in a tough spot. But by insisting that you must protect your children from him and that ties your hands from getting a divorce, you are dooming both your children and yourself to a miserable future and doing your children a disservice.

Get out NOW. TAKE the advice you've been given of documenting his behavior on video. Your current dreams of making him see the light are never going to come true. Don't find yourself 10 years from now trying to explain to your children why you did not protect them when you had the chance.[/quote]

OP here, I do know this is verbal abuse. I grew up in a verbally abusive home -- which btw, to the PP who asked what trailer park I lived in, was an upper middle class home (I come from highly educated parents, and I am also highly educated and have an executive-level position at a software company). I know how this turns out. I am not looking for someone to justify me staying. I do not plan on staying. I am looking for advice on what to do now to make sure when we get to a custody battle that my husband does not get any. The bottom line is, if I leave right now he will have access to the kids without me around to get in between him and the kids. I have seen this happen with friends who were in similar situations. I am holding out until I can have enough evidence to ensure that he cannot be alone with the children when I leave him. And I do plan on leaving him. What I want advice on is what to do now. I am already looking for a family lawyer to get advice, but I was hoping to get some advice from others who have been-there-done-that and can tell me how they got through this type of situation without their husbands ending up with partial custody.

It's easy for people to speak from the sidelines, but really unless you have experienced this from my perspective you have no idea what you're talking about. I say this as someone who grew up wondering why my father never left my mother, who was verbally and physically abusive. Well, now I know. He was worried she would get custody. The mistake he made, I think, was not explaining it to me and being more supportive when he was around.

Also, anyone have any recommendations for a good family lawyer, preferably in Arlington or nearby?[/quote]

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