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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP could try your suggestion, but, based on what she's written about her father, it sounds like he prefers to come over on his schedule, not hers. I doubt he'll accept her invitation.[/quote]

She could work around that. She knows her dad tends to stop by, and it's pretty clear they need to have a conversation. So next time he stops by, unless she's doing something she absolutely cannot stop, have the conversation then. Sure, it's inconvenient for her, but sometimes grownups deal with things being inconvenient. Then, if I were her, I'd throw myself under the bus. "Dad, the kids and I love seeing you on our vacation, but as you know I like to plan things ahead of time. You are so much more in-the-moment than I am! *laugh* Since this is a working vacation for me, I'm getting stressed by plan disruptions. Can we set aside some time [each|every other] day when you can drop in? And I think it would be great for the kids to be able to go horse back riding with you! What a thoughtful idea. Unfortunately Bart's allergic to horses. I know! How awful. Would you be willing to take Jane and Fred horseback riding, and then maybe do something special with Bart? He particularly enjoys taxidermy and there's that fabulous museum in the next town. What do you think?"  Only you know, much less monologue-y and more conversational-y.

And then, actually set aside 15 minutes or whatever when her dad drops in, and pay attention to him. You know, like you do with your kid when you realize you haven't really focused on him for the past few days because your head has been somewhere else. At the end of those 15 minutes, tell dad he can stick around if he wants, but you've got to take a call and you're really looking forward to seeing him again tomorrow!

IOW, I think there's a way to be gentle, understanding that he's probably lonely and really wants to spend time with his family, and still have good boundaries so you can do the things you need to do. Oh, and even if you're not a touchy-feely family, it might not be a bad idea to try and give him some physical affection (shoulder pat, whatever). I've read that for older folks that's a serious craving as they spend a lot more time alone. I come from a very physically distant family, but my mom's gotten somewhat huggy as she's gotten older.[/quote]

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