Reply to VENT ALERT: Is anyone THIS different from their in-laws.

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Reply to "VENT ALERT: Is anyone THIS different from their in-laws."

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Your entire list of differences made you sound like you felt superior. Why did you feel the need to point those things o ut?[/quote]

OP here.  because I noticed the differences.  I was trying to see if others noticed other trivial things like this with their in laws.[/quote]

Yes, I notice those things in other people's homes/houses.  And within 24 hours, I forget.  What makes you judgy is that you note these things, catalogue them and keep hold of these "fact" as if they are a measure of the person, hence you judge based on the differences.  Stop being a bean-counter.  Yes, people are different.  I have many of the same characteristics and make many of the same choices, and some of my best friends do the things your SIL does.  And we get along great.  Nothing on your list has any impact on whether or not you will be friends, can tolerate each other or whether either of you is better or worse as a person or parent.

How do you become better?  Stop and think.  You notice details about other people.  A sense of detail can be a good thing.  However, once you've noticed something, for these inconsequential details, stop and put them out of your mind when you think about the person.  Try to think of the things that make a person a good friend and focus on those characteristics instead.  One of the things that often causes conflict between people like you and your SIL is that not only do you detail and file the differences, but you sound like you judge.  In your comments and discussions with her, if you are critical of the choices that she makes (and believe me, people can tell), then she's probably not so friendly because she not only feels that you are an anal bitch, but a judgy one as well.  So stop talking about the things that you do different, and start talking about the things you have in common.  Don't worry that her kids are not in bed at 9pm or 10pm, whether her laundry is folded, whether she cooked dinner or not and talk about family, what you've done together, similar parenting experience (have your kids been to see Mom recently?  Did you know she got a new toy chest so that we can keep some toys are her house to play with while we're there?  Jack just started climbing and we've been having problems with him because he doesn't know how to get down without falling.  Larla now has practice after school--how did you handle the kids coming home at different times?)
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