Reply to Depression - Is it a cop out?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Mental illness like any illness can absolutely become an excuse for behavior. That doesn't mean the illness isn't real but people still make choices, depressed or not. They might not choose to have depression but they can choose to get help and to manage it. The vast majority of people with depression are not spending their lives lying on couches watching TV all day while the one family member who isn't depressed does all the work. Depression is not an excuse to treat people badly. Depression also does lead to many self-depreciating thoughts, leading to people feeling sorry for themselves and often leads to even less motivation and less action. it can be a vicious cycle. Having someone enable them to lie on a couch all day is actually really bad for the depression and likely to make it worse or last longer. Any decent therapist / doctor treating someone with depression will encourage them to get up, get dressed, do exercise, get out of the house, maintain basic routines etc... They will not tell them that having depression means you do nothing and other people take care of you all day.

[b]OP- most of the people here giving you a hard time obviously do not understand depression.[/b] Being the caregiver for a family of people with mental illnesses is incredibly exhausting and frustrating. You need to get support for yourself and figure out what boundaries to set and how to keep yourself healthy. Your daughter needs you as well to be healthy.[/quote]

You obviously haven't read what "most people here" have actually said.  We're agreeing with you but taking exception to calling mental illness a "cop out."  [/quote]

And I disagree. Some people do use their illness, physical or mental, including depression as a cop out for sure. Having an illness doesn't mean you get to abandon all obligation and responsibility. To say that you have depression so for years and years you can't do anything but lie on the couch and watch TV is a cop out. You can get help, [b]you can force yourself to go through the motions, you can still pick up stuff as you walk down the hall to the couch, you can make yourself do things even if you feel like doing nothing but lying on the couch[/b]. If OP wasn't there someone would have to get off the couch. People on here were mad at OP for having any expectation of his family members. Depression is brutal but it doesn't mean you never lift a finger again, especially if you have a child.  Untreated mental illness can create terrible environments for kids to grow up in. Saying oh I can't do x,y, and z. In fact I can't do anything but lie here and watch TV every day, all day is using depression as a cop out. [/quote]

Obviously you've never had a major depressive episode.  I don't know if OP's relatives are truly depressed or just using it as a cover for laziness, but many people in the throes of major depression cannot, actually, force themselves to get better.  It might take all their energy just to keep showing up for work.  They may not even be able to do that much.  Honestly, I had depression and lived alone and no, I didn't "have to get off the couch."  I spent days not getting off the couch--I didn't eat, I didn't change my clothes, I missed classes, etc.  I agree that depressed people have an obligation to those who depend on them to do their best to get treatment, but I really wish people would stop talking like getting better is just a matter of willing it.  It's not, and not everyone is depressed to the same degree or in the same way.  [/quote]

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