Reply to 17 y/o's best friend smokes pot with parents... help!

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Reply to "17 y/o's best friend smokes pot with parents... help!"

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[quote=Anonymous]OP - I feel for you and your daughter. Moving at that age is difficult and having the family difficulties with your sister's illness will certainly add to the struggle.

I'm a pretty laid-back parent and have a very honest and open relationship with my DD (16 years old). I'm a big believer in the strength of allowing kids to be open and honest without feeling judged. Once kids feel judged is when they shut down. I'm also a believer that kids will do certain things because they are crying out for help. I believe your DD understands that this was a strange incident, but didn't really know how to get out of it. She is looking for some sort of guidance from you.

I'm with you that teenagers will experiment or at least be exposed to pot at some point in their HS years. However, smoking pot with her friend's father is definitely going a step further than what is usual and normal and I think that's the bigger issue. Why did she think this would be a good thing to do? Is she self-medicating in order to avoid "feeling" something because right now life is very painful? She is clearly exhibiting signs of depression and you should consider having her see someone ASAP. My own DD started seeing a therapist a year ago for mild depression and it was the best decision we could have made! I had always told her that if she ever felt the need to see someone that all she had to do was ask. I started seeing some changes with her at the end of her 9th grade year and by the end of the summer she asked me. She talked to me on a Thursday night, I made calls on Friday and she was in her 1st appointment on Monday afternoon - it was that apparent that she needed to talk to someone. It was a long year, but she worked through a lot of her issues. She is in a much better place, but still sees the therapist because she still has some work to do. A therapist will offer an objective ear to listen - they do not have agenda for their patient's lives. As much as we are open and honest with our kids they still feel a duty to be our good kids. Kids do not want to disappoint their parents, but sometimes it's hard not to!

With regard to the friend - it's a tough call. I would avoid cutting off all contact with her because you admit that she is a smart and ambitious girl. She has encouraged your daughter to take AP classes! However, I would sit and talk with your DD and tell her that you do not want her to go to her friend's house for the time being. Make sure to explain that it's because you are concerned with her safety and her state of mind. If you do call the parents I would be careful to politely explain your discomfort about the situation. If they are the same parents who raised a daughter who wants to go to Columbia then they may very well understand. However, a sure-fire way to make the conversation turn ugly   is to be judgmental and rude. What they do in their own house is their own business, but you have the right to let them know that it's not okay for your DD. Remember - our actions as parents will have consequences on our children whether we want to admit or not. Your DD is already having difficulty fitting in and finding her place. Don't make it any more difficult for her by starting some war with other parents  - they are not worth it. Your daughter and her well-being are your main priorities.

Good luck![/quote]

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