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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]
Anonymous wrote:
You have to ask yourself getting back at her is worth losing your father and sister for and ultimately a grandfather and aunts for your child, because that seems to be the choice you are making. Your anxiety is your issue. BTW, if alcohol is the catalyst why does your family have alcohol when you are altogether. Forget the wine and maybe things would simmer down.

It doesn't sound like you have much experience with family dysfunction. If OP's family isn't willing to establish boundaries on the SM's behavior why would they put limits on alcohol consumption. Also, OP said that wine is not necessary for a blow up. The issue is whatever personality disorder the SM has.[/quote]

I have entirely too much experience with family dysfunction.  What OP is doing was done in my own family.  People chose sides and now most people do not speak to one another--going on 10 years.  Nieces and nephews lost aunts and uncles, cousins have no contact and the ones who started it all are not all alone and depressed because they have no family left.  It sucks.  The whole family is effected when someone cuts all contact.  You can create healthy boundaries without doing something so drastic that people are forced to take sides.[/quote]

And if people don't respect 'healthy boundaries', what are the consequences?

There are always 'sides' and people will always be choosing.  If OP decides to remove herself from situations where her SM crosses boundaries OP's family will have 'choose' whether they'll accept her choice.  And, if your family is 'all alone and depressed because they have no family left', they should get some counseling and learn to develop a support network.  Lots of people have no family either by circumstance or by choice.  Family isn't determined by blood alone.[/quote]

Exactly. You can create your own network. I grew up in a family where people suckled it up for the sake of having the cousins and aunts and uncle experience. It sucked and it caused such stress for my parents. Close friend of mine had what everyone claimed was a close knit family. Turned out there was sexual abuse and nobody wanted to turn in the uncle and break up the family.

Few people cut off at whim. Sometimes it is the only one to keep your sanity and health.

You know what kids need more than anything else? Healthy, happy parents. If family stresses the parents to the max, it is NOT better for the kids. Also, kids are not idiots. They see the drama and they learn and they wonder why it's OK to behave this way.

SIL had the view that you put up with it because their family. Her marriages suffered and ended up in frequent fighting and now her daughter is in an abusive relationship. Her daughter told her she has never seen what a healthy marriage or healthy family relationship looks like and she lashed out about the fact SIL taught her to tolerate emotional abuse.[/quote]

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