Reply to I have a low tolerance for my picky eating ILs

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This was one of those things I had to decide if I could deal with when I started dating my husband. It's easier to name the things he does eat than the things he doesn't: yes to burgers, fries, corn on the cob, pickles, chicken grilled or fried, apples and grapes, most sweets. Seriously, that's about it. No other vegetables, no other fruits, no sauces, no pasta, no rice, no soup, nothing ethnic. He would happily go with me to restaurants and sit and watch me eat. Never imposed on hosts, in fact hated it when anyone drew attention to his pickiness. (He had gastric bypass recently so isn't eating much of anything now.)

It runs in his family - father wont eat chicken but will eat pasta, but not much else differently. Mother says she's allergic to garlic but I'm not sure. They are all super sensitive to smells - my FIL goes berserk when MIL cooks pancakes. His sisters have at least broadened their tastes somewhat, although one sister also has an aversion to any white foods.

I have been able to live with it for nearly 15 years, but my biggest worry is how to not pass it onto our kids.[/quote]

PP, you sound very kind and understanding toward your husband.  As another picky eater, I just want to say how much I appreciate this kind approach.  I am sure that, like me, your husband wishes that his palette were more expansive, for his own health and to make other people happy.  Like your DH, the last thing I want to do is draw attention to my pickiness.  I would never impose on a host/hostess for a special meal.

What bothers me, and it's especially triggered by reading the intolerant and unkind people on this thread, is how much OTHER people impose their food tastes on me when it's none of their business.  Like, if I am at a family function and I don't eat most of what is being served, let's say I can find something out of the buffet to at least have one thing on my plate -- corn on the cob or pasta or something.  Everyone else's plate will be piled high with all sorts of other stuff, so the relative sparseness of my plate will inevitably draw comment.  Mind you, I'm not complaining!  I've said nothing!  I want no one to notice what I'm eating.  But everyone else feels entitled to inventory what's on my plate.  "Oh, Anne, you're not eating much!"  "Oh, this is fine, thank you" "But you hardly have anything there!"  "Oh, don't you know Anne doesn't eat pasta salad or potato salad?"  "WHAT??!!  Why not?!?"  "This is just fine for me, thanks, it looks delicious!"  "But how could you miss out on Aunt Millie's pasta salad?  She has radishes from her garden in it?"  "Oh, Anne doesn't eat radishes."  "WHAT?!  Doesn't eat RADISHES?  What is wrong with you, Anne, they're delicious!"

Same thing happens at work buffets.  We have a weekly Friday morning buffet at my office with all sorts of things that others enjoy but that I don't eat.  I can't skip it altogether because that is commented on, so I typically quietly go through the line and take just a couple of things, like fresh fruit and a plain bagel (as opposed to lots of meat and cheese casseroles, breakfast burritos, etc.)  "Anne!  What are you on a diet or something?"  "No, I already ate a big breakfast this morning, and this fruit will just hit the spot."  "You already ate?! Why would you eat when Sam has made his delicious bacon egg and shell casserole again?  You've got to try it!"  "No, thank you, this is enough for me, this is delicious."  "But you've tried it, haven't you?"  "No, thank you, I haven't."  "But you must!  SAM!  Anne has never had your breakfast casserole!"  "ANNE!  HERE!  HERE!  Take a piece!  Let me put it on your plate, there is plenty of room."  "No, really, Sam, thank you, I can't."  "What, you don't eat bacon?  But it's not pork bacon, it's beef bacon!" "Thank you for the offer, but no."  "But WHY?!"

And on and on.  If I tell Sam the truth that I don't eat casseroles made out of other people's kitchens because I'm allergic to peanuts and casseroles just make me anxious that a peanut may be in there, well, that clearly shows that I'm irrational.  And Sam gets defensive.  "But there's no peanut in there!"  "I know, Sam, I understand.  But I'd really just prefer not to have it.  I already ate breakfast."  "What, you don't TRUST ME?!?  You think I've got PEANUTS all over my kitchen and don't know it?"  "No, Sam, I'm sure your kitchen is fine.  But I'm fine with what is on my plate, thank you for the offer."  "But why won't you just TRY IT?"

One of the PP's above replied and said that picky eaters like me should always offer to pay to eat out at a restaurant.  If I am staying with someone who is personally offended by the fact that I won't necessarily eat whatever she serves me (I don't request special meals, and if I am not asked, I'm not going to tell someone ahead of time that I won't eat something), of course I will offer to pay for us to go to a restaurant.  So let's say we all agree to go to a Mexican restaurant (the menu for which I will have quietly previewed online to be sure they serve something that I will eat) and I order something I know I'll eat, like a chicken enchilada.  Then I get, "But last time we were at a Mexican restaurant you ordered a chicken enchilada!  You have to try the brain tacos!"  "No, thanks, this sounds delicious." "But have just one of my brain tacos."  "No, thank you, I prefer chicken."  "WHY MUST YOU ALWAYS BE SO DIFFICULT?" "Anne is SUCH a picky eater!  Did you know she won't eat radishes either?"

I don't walk around trying to provoke people with my food aversions.  I don't want to trouble anyone.  I really hate attention being drawn to it, and I truly am not intending to inconvenience anyone.  I just don't know why so many people consider it their business.[/quote]

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