Reply to Everyone says that they are busy with their own lives, no time for me

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous] 
OP here.  Thanks for your thoughts.  I do initiate a lot--but don't get invited to things myself very often.  I have never initiated at work, though.  If I were to initiate something at work, say getting brunch with a co-worker, they would probably agree to it, [b]we'd have brunch, have a nice time, and then they would never invite me to do anything or they would be pleasant but neutral at work.[/b]  This has happened to me over and over again when I have invited people out to do things (not at work, but through various social clubs, etc.).  Then I feel rejected, and it's just rejection after rejection and then I start to wonder what is wrong with me that they didn't reciprocate, that they didn't want to hang out again.[/quote]

I swear I read this same type of post not too long ago but anyway...

Friendships do not happen in your 30's like they did in your teens and early 20's. That whole meet someone, spend a few hours with them, and suddenly you are BFF's joined at the hip is very rare.  You seem to keep looking for that when in fact you sound like you are on your way to make new friendships but are ignorning them because they aren't fitting in the mold of what you think "making friend" is about.

What you described is the beginning of a friendship. You go out to brunch and then you chat in the office and then maybe you go out to lunch one day and you chat at the office. And then maybe you say "hey, do you want to go to brunch again sometime, are you free any of the next couple of weekends?"  And along the way, she might do the same.  It takes time not just one brunch or lunch.  But also beware that some people at the office may be very strict about "work friends" and actual friends. I have several work friends that I really would never hang out with outside of work and if I quit working in my office I would keep in touch for professional purposes but that's it.

Meetup and volunteer activities are great places to make friends but again - it takes time. Several months and even a year or two.  [/quote]

OP here.  I know it takes time, and a long time at that--I don't expect us to be best friends after one outing.  In fact, I'm not even really looking for a best friend--I'm just looking for friends to get together with from time to time.

But the problem is I will initiate, and then initiate again a few weeks later, and then sometimes a third time a few weeks later, without feeling that there is reciprocal interest at least from the other person.  And in between these get-togethers, there isn't any communication--no emailing, no texting, no phone calls.  It's hard to build a friendship when it's just a couple of get togethers every few months with no getting to know you communication in between.  This pattern seems to happen 95% of the time when I try to make friends in this area.

So it's always me putting in the effort, and not sensing any interest/effort from them.  So the question I've been pondering is: is it that people don't like me, or is it just that people aren't really interested in making new friends in their 30s in general, because they're too busy with their own lives to put in the effort?
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