Reply to When other kids are unkind to your kid, how do you keep emotional distance from it?

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Reply to "When other kids are unkind to your kid, how do you keep emotional distance from it?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm from NY. Smacktalk is our national pastime. Sticks and stones, baby. Like water off a duck's back. [/quote]

What if it's not just unkind words though. What about when it's that weird relational aggression?

Like my kid got caught in this stupid drama with two other girls this year, where the two girls were sworn enemies at the beginning of the year and then one of them befriended my kid and my kid was like "yay a friend!" and then the other one also befriended her and she was like "oh wow, two friends, though it's stressful they don't like each other." And then the two girls made up, decided my kid sucked, and told her they didn't want to be her friend anymore and now they just stand near her talking about her but refusing to talk *to* her.

It is extremely hard not to dislike those kids, I'm sorry.[/quote]

Look, some little kids are a-holes, or go through an a-hole period. And that period may be VERY long, like multiple years, or may just be a short time. Teach your kid to walk away if people are talking about her. Why would she stand there listening to them? She needs friends in multiple groups. I've always taught my kids to diversify their friend portfolio. If one group is unpleasant to be around, go hang out with a different group of friends. [/quote]

+ 1
I have taught my kids to be floaters. They float in different group of friends.  Also, I read and re-read "Queen Bees and WannaBes" and "Masterminds and Wingmen" for both my son and daughter, when they were younger to help them understand the dynamics.  My kids will also call out bully behavior in others and

Apart from that, I made sure that I cultivated my own friend group in our expat community, among relatives, hobby groups, neighbors, friends -  so that we had a mass of people and other children that my kids associated with.  So, if one group of kids were mean to them, they had others and would appear least bothered.

Another thing was that we made sure that they were excelling in academics and ECs from very early on.  These early successes built up their self-esteem and brought them in the orbit of other kids similar to them.  As a parent, I made sure that my kids were busy, had awareness, were succeeding and chose kindness to others instead of being jerks.

[/quote]

You think your kids are saints but they aren't. They don't understand what you think they do. They are likely self-righteous and overconfident like you. They, like you, judge kids who don't "appear least bothered." They, like you, judge the kids who don't have "a mass of people" or lots of other friends and relatives to support them. In other words, they, like you, judge the kids most likely to be bullied, ostracized, and made fun of. They might even have participated in it.[/quote]

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