Reply to When other kids are unkind to your kid, how do you keep emotional distance from it?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is really eye-opening to me- so many grudge holders.  I just don't operate that way.

Maybe it's partly from being a teacher, and seeing how much kids change from year to year, but I think you all are being hugely unfair.

I would never encourage a friendship with someone who is being awful, but I also think kids change.[/quote]

Nobody said kids don’t change. [/quote]

But they've said they continue to hold grudges.  Why?  Something a kid did when they were 8.... now they're 13, and basically a different person... people are saying they still hold a grudge because "mom has a long memory".  [/quote]

Why do you care? If that’s the case, let them. In many situations none of these kids will ever be friends or won’t even be in the same middle school- it doesn’t matter if there is a secret (or even not secret) grudge held by a parent or not. Also, it depends on the situation- some kids can be very traumatized from earlier childhood interactions and lose a lot of trust because of it. We shouldn’t blindly teach kids to just forgive without discernment- sometimes a grudge keeps up a wall of very necessary protection to prevent further harm. It makes sense that would be a parent’s protective instinct. It’s pretty invalidating and self righteous to come on here with some Pollyanna view of the world that everyone can change and we should all sit around the campfire and sing, and retraumatize a kid because we preached that they should forgive everyone and their needs and boundaries don’t matter.[/quote]

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