Reply to DD Classmates' Mother Confronted DD on Playground at School WTH!

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[quote=Anonymous]You know, I was at my kid's elementary school today after school and a boy 2 years older than my DS pushed a smaller child to the ground and then my boy. I went up to the child and told him it was not ok to push people. Then I turned to the 2 adults on duty and told them, too. When the after care worker asked the boy if he had been "tackling" again, I corrected her and said there was no tackling, that this was not part of the soccer game being played, there was just one child taking advantage of his size to push other children down. I watched him do this repeatedly.

I suspect the OP would say I was out of bounds to talk directly to the child who pushed my 6 yo to the ground. I disagree. I am a working professional in a different field now, but have my masters in education. I believe that children need boundaries and that as a community, we owe it to each other to tell children when they are breaking rules of common decency. If a child is excluding others, or pushing them to the ground, or (fill in the blank with mildly antisocial behavior) I believe it is instructive and useful for children to realize that adults in the community care and will enforce social norms. I don't actually intend to call this kid's parents (I don't know them although I could figure it out from our school directory) as I think that would be more escalation than required. The school is now going to deal with the situation, hopefully.

Note that I wasn't "emotional," didn't "corner" this 2nd grade child, nor did I "freak out." My kid's fine, albeit a little muddy and pissed off. (And I actually coached my son after we left about how he can handle playing with this kid again because he sees him every day and their play is kind of rough and that is ok if it's about the ball game - just not when it's about using your size to intimidate people. I told my kid that he should call a penalty on that kid every time he sent a littler kid hurtling to the ground - kids pay attention to rules when it means their team might lose). But I believe I was well within my rights to intervene and would do it again. Just like from the OP's story, I think that mother is fine when she tells a 9yo not to exclude others.

Of course, I think the OP is also sending her child the meta-message, "Other adults are not to be respected. Other adults who tell you to act in a kind, inclusive way can be ignored if they speak to me about my behavior. Only my mother can direct my behavior, and will trust my version of the truth over another adult."

I have a 9yo girl, though, and would not approach one of her classmates in this way because I would be afraid of repercussions from peers if I as her parent intervened in this way. Too funny! It turns out that in this case, the ostracism is going to come from the *mother* of the alleged mean girl, sending the message to her daughter that it's ok to think this girl and her mom are lame.

Maybe I'm wrong, though. OP, you aren't speaking to your daughter about how much you dislike the behavior of the mom of a child who clearly has been miserable enough to talk to her parents about being excluded, have you?[/quote]

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