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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I also have an issue with the idea  of " she gave her up but I raised her. " We are loooong past this paradigm. No one gives up a child because they wanted to. They had to, and there are numerous reasons. The adoptive parents aren't saviors. 
[/quote]

You sound bitter.

Most birth parents who make an adoption plan are not in a position to care for a baby at that time.

That is not the baby’s fault or the adoptive parents.’

Adoptive parents are not saviors, but they can play a vital role for an innocent and helpless baby who needs responsible, loving adults to care for him/her. The result can be beautiful and a win-win for both.

[/quote]
I am not bitter. This something you have to realize  is the entire paradigm  shift. 
What you call "responsible" says it all, we spend more time and money helping  infertile  couples get a baby than  we do helping birth parents  keep  their baby. Adoptive parents  aren't  the winners because  they view the birth parents  as irresponsible. You are assuming that the  birth parents aren't going to be loving. [/quote]

I realize adopted kids have a lot of trauma to process.  But as an outsider, I have to say that birth parents often seem pretty irresponsible by societal standards in a way that "resources" wouldn't help.

My good friend is an adoptive mother.   Her adoptive daughter's birth mother literally did not know which man she had dated was the father of her baby.  Birth mom picked my friend to get a biracial adoptive parent because she thought the baby was going to be biracial (didn't turn out that way).  Also, the birth mom had two older daughters with an ex-husband.  Birth grandma told birth mom they couldn't handle/afford another kid.  So birth mom open adopted her 3rd.  My friend tries to keep in touch but after the first three years or so, birth mom doesn't respond.

So....

-birth mom doesn't know the father
-birth mom can't afford a kid
-birth mom chose differently between her children (I think that's the most f'ed up)
-birth mom did open adoption and then doesn't keep in touch

There's a lot in those decisions that could have been different if birth mom had been more responsible.  It's not just a question of giving cash.[/quote]
Well, your are inserting your  perception  of a what a mother should be, and that is the problem. The birth mother apparently slept with more than  one man,so you think  she is irresponsible. 
The "affording thing"- that  is the whole problem  with adoption i.e, white and/ or rich people should take kids from  poor people.  That's  the whole thing.

She chose  the latest child to adopt our because  she had no where to  live v

She may not have kept up as it was painful.

So, according to  you, she's  a slut with no money and no place to live, so let the married rich people have the baby. Yeah, this is what we are trying to change the paradigm  from. 
Did you ever read " Little Fires Everywhere"? Not the movie, poor interpretation  of it, but the book. That should explain a lot.[/quote]

PP. You're projecting.  Bio mom had a place to live.  She was living with her mom and two children.  Yes, she was low income.  And religious. And had had several unserious boyfriends/bar dates, any of whom could have been the dad and who weren't around a few months later. And a mom who apparently told her what to do with her life.  I didn't call her a slut or any other label.  I do think she behaved irresponsibly and I think that's pretty factual. She made a lot of crappy decisions.  I don't believe there were any crimes involved and it seems unlikely from what my friend said.  This was an open adoption and the bio mom chose who she chose.  Nobody "took" her baby.  It's usually going to happen that adoptive parents have more money than bio parents...that just makes sense.  No use sending kids from one tough situation into another.

I have read Little Fires Everywhere.  It was not a very good book in my opinion. It was improbable in a variety of ways and mainly a character study of a bunch of unfulfilled women.  I don't see it as any more realistic than Beverly Hills 90210. I wouldn't recommend using fiction to support an anti-adoption, anti-UMC worldview. [/quote]

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