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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]However she is still a teen and I’d keep talking to her and reiterate she can earn things back [/quote]

Is it serious that she lied to you? Yes, that is what would bother me the most.

How do you keep open lines of communication with your daughter? I think this is the question that should drive consequences MORE than just punishment, restrictions, shutting everything down. Your post sounds to me like it's going to drive your DD farther away from you and I think you want to take a deep breath, think about the fact that you are afraid and love your DD, and consider going back to her with your fears and trying to focus on open communication and less on freaking out at her.

What I like about the idea of earning things back is that is focuses on building a relationship with your DD, not just shutting her off in a punitive way. Another idea might be to think about where drinking is happening (overnights, non-school night evenings) and focus restrictions on those activities but support and encourage other things, like going to the mall or having kids over to watch a movie or doing a sporty thing together.

Do I hear that you are frightened? Yes. Do I believe you have good reason to be frightened? Yes. But how you respond to this fear and whether that fear drives you to push your daughter away, versus can you use it more productively to keep her world view open and encourage her to explore other ways of socializing, to see you as a resource and as a support, etc.?[/quote]

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