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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I also have an issue with the idea  of " she gave her up but I raised her. " We are loooong past this paradigm. No one gives up a child because they wanted to. They had to, and there are numerous reasons. The adoptive parents aren't saviors. 
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You sound bitter.

Most birth parents who make an adoption plan are not in a position to care for a baby at that time.

That is not the baby’s fault or the adoptive parents.’

Adoptive parents are not saviors, but they can play a vital role for an innocent and helpless baby who needs responsible, loving adults to care for him/her. The result can be beautiful and a win-win for both.

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I am not bitter. This something you have to realize  is the entire paradigm  shift. 
What you call "responsible" says it all, we spend more time and money helping  infertile  couples get a baby than  we do helping birth parents  keep  their baby. Adoptive parents  aren't  the winners because  they view the birth parents  as irresponsible. You are assuming that the  birth parents aren't going to be loving. [/quote]

I realize adopted kids have a lot of trauma to process.  But as an outsider, I have to say that birth parents often seem pretty irresponsible by societal standards in a way that "resources" wouldn't help.

My good friend is an adoptive mother.   Her adoptive daughter's birth mother literally did not know which man she had dated was the father of her baby.  Birth mom picked my friend to get a biracial adoptive parent because she thought the baby was going to be biracial (didn't turn out that way).  Also, the birth mom had two older daughters with an ex-husband.  Birth grandma told birth mom they couldn't handle/afford another kid.  So birth mom open adopted her 3rd.  My friend tries to keep in touch but after the first three years or so, birth mom doesn't respond.

So....

-birth mom doesn't know the father
-birth mom can't afford a kid
-birth mom chose differently between her children (I think that's the most f'ed up)
-birth mom did open adoption and then doesn't keep in touch

There's a lot in those decisions that could have been different if birth mom had been more responsible.  It's not just a question of giving cash.[/quote]

Is this child lesser than other kids in the family as you keep referring to her as the adoptive daughter vs. daughter.[/quote]

PP. I am a friend.  I am writing for clarity in this forum.  My friend has only two children, both adopted from the U.S. as babies during the 2010s.  They are called son and daughter.  One from a closed adoption and one from an open adoption. The extended family is a warm one.  There is no discrimination.[/quote]

So, you use others as a talking point with no real experience.  No one needs your third hand knowledge. [/quote]
You are right. These third hand knowledge stories are nothing but hurtful gossip.
Sometimes the adoption agency closes the adoption. They do this by telling the family that the birth mom doesn’t want contact while at the same time telling the birth mom that the adoptive parents are not open to more contact.

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