Reply to Question for adoption moms whose children sought out their birth mom

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[quote=Anonymous][quote]

Anonymous wrote:

I realize adopted kids have a lot of trauma to process. But as an outsider, I have to say that birth parents often seem pretty irresponsible by societal standards in a way that "resources" wouldn't help.

My good friend is an adoptive mother. Her adoptive daughter's birth mother literally did not know which man she had dated was the father of her baby. Birth mom picked my friend to get a biracial adoptive parent because she thought the baby was going to be biracial (didn't turn out that way). Also, the birth mom had two older daughters with an ex-husband. Birth grandma told birth mom they couldn't handle/afford another kid. So birth mom open adopted her 3rd. My friend tries to keep in touch but after the first three years or so, birth mom doesn't respond.

So....

-birth mom doesn't know the father
-birth mom can't afford a kid
-birth mom chose differently between her children (I think that's the most f'ed up)
-birth mom did open adoption and then doesn't keep in touch

There's a lot in those decisions that could have been different if birth mom had been more responsible. It's not just a question of giving cash.

Is this child lesser than other kids in the family as you keep referring to her as the adoptive daughter vs. daughter.[/quote]

Oh please.  This is a thread about children who have been adopted.  The PP is just trying to be clear about birth mom vs. adoptive mom, etc.  Though I will say I find the language policing  a little discordant.  Would you tell an adoptee that they are treating their adoptive mother as "lesser" when they distinguish between their adoptive mother and their birth mother, and insist that they should always refer to her simply as their mother no matter the context of the conversation.   [/quote]

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