Reply to Do some parents just have bad luck in the kid department?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]both. But I have noticed it usually takes until 3 kids+ for parents to realize "for real" it's not them. Parents of 2 or 1 kid have an outblown sense of their impact esp. if they don't have a harder to parent kid. [/quote]

This.  Parenting does play a role, but some kids are just difficult and problematic.  Mothers with 3+ kids all know this.  If you have at least 3 kids, chances are high at least one of them is more difficult than the others.  While they may not be a total train wreck, it definitely enforces that how you kids behave and turn out isn’t all because of your parenting and influence.  [/quote]

You have this backwards. Parenting plays the biggest role in the kids who are "difficult and problematic." That's the difference between very good parents and mediocre or bad parents.

Most parents can raise an easy kid with few challenges. The key there is just not to screw it up (which even some parents can't manage). But you don't have to *work* that hard at it if the kid is just kind of naturally flexible and easy going with no special needs or learning challenges.

But some kids have real challenges and then parents have to work at it, and it's hard. And if you do it well, the kids with challenges can be great. If you do it poorly, it can in fact be a total train wreck. The job is harder and not everyone is up to the task. And this is what people are talking about when they say they thought they understood what it meant to be a good parent, and then had an additional kid who had more challenges. That's when you *really* find out what it is to be a good parent, when you realize the level of patience, emotional maturity, creativity, dedication, and faith it takes to to raise some kids to adulthood.

When I encounter a parent who says "oh parenting can only do so much, so kids are just problematic," that's when I know I've encountered a parent who just isn't up to the task.[/quote]

I especially think this is true if there are special needs. We know a single mom with a daughter who seems like she is on the spectrum but not diagnosed. Mom is always yelling at her saying how embarrassing the child is. With proper therapy, the girl could be high functioning. [/quote]

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