Reply to How to Deal with an Angry Sibling re: Elderly Parents

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I'm mostly on your side here, and I'm an on-the-ground sibling and understand how crushing the stress of caring for the elderly is.

In your case, I would try to get the key to your parents' apartment to stay there. Tell your brother you can't afford a hotel room, and that you'll do whatever needs to be done while he's gone. Tell him that while there, you will attempt to better understand what needs to be done so that you can be more help.

Then just go and see both of your parents every day. Try to establish a new paradigm with them. Show up with flowers or small things to brighten their rooms. You might hate every minute of it, but just by being there with any luck you'll start getting the lay of the land. Frankly, it will be easier to do this with your brother gone.

Also, given a lot of your details, your brother and mother might enjoy playing the victims here, making you feel guilty. Because the sorts of things that actually need doing at this point can really only be done by people who live there.[/quote]

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