Reply to How to talk to DH about my feelings?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. Yes the teens help, and yes we can afford to outsource. That’s not really the point. I would like him to just be a more active member of our family. He used to be more involved, when the kids were younger and he worked fewer hours (but still a lot.)

And no I don’t pressure him to work this much, we live on significantly less than he makes and I’m fine with that. My income is basically irrelevant - I do it because I like it and it helps keep me sane.

I feel like Jen Anniston in that movie where she screams “I want you to WANT to do the dishes!” except it’s not dishes. It’s more that I want him to WANT to have a more active role in our lives. He’s leaned too much into almost a Don Draper/1950’s mentality and I don’t like it or want it. [/quote]

Frankly you sound bored and manufacturing problems.  It is entirely rational for the person making all of the money to want and expect to do less housework.

He is his own person, and you can't make him want anything. Yes, it would nice if husbands (and wives) all wanted  to do the dishes and fold laundry regardless of income, but we live in reality.

I suggest stop being petty and demanding and tell him this part "I'd like for you to have a more active role in our lives". And then ASK HIM what things he would enjoying  doing  with the family. Movie nights? Ski trips? Camping trips?

It is important to understand that not all feelings are valid.

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