Reply to Is the snotty teen/tween behavior really starting as early as 3rd and 4th grade now?

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Reply to "Is the snotty teen/tween behavior really starting as early as 3rd and 4th grade now?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am an elem. school teacher and also have a 4th grade girl, and I have noticed the same thing.  If I see her friends treating their parents or other kids that way - we have a conversation on the way home about how it is not acceptable.  When her tone of voice shifts I shut it down immediately.  Sometimes I think they are oblivious and don't realize how they are being perceived. Just mimicking tone from Youtube or other shows. Sometimes they are doing it for attention from their friends. [/quote]

OP here. I really appreciate this perspective as I'm sure you encounter a lot of kids. I agree with you that I think the kids are often being oblivious. I wonder about what they think is happening in these interactions with adults where they are being demanding and dismissive. [b]Do they think I'm privately thinking "wow, this kid is cooler than me, I better watch out"? I don't think they realize how much it lowers them in my eyes. If they did, I don't think they'd do it.[/quote][/b]

Teacher poster here.  When I have stopped class for attitude/tone/snarky comments, I usually flat out ask - did you intend for it to come out that way?  (Whiny, Bratty, Sarcastic, etc)  9/10 the answer is no. They honestly have no idea that their tone is disrespectful. From overhearing some of my daughters youtube videos - a lot of the skits show teens speaking to each other that way and I think they assume that's what is done. (Think us reading the babysitters club at 8 years old and assuming all teen age girls were laying around in their friends room eating candy and running a business, it seemed like the epitome of cool!)  I also stop those shows immediately but I know I am not always around when they are watching.  I think at this age (8,9,10) it is more about trying out what they have seen or heard and think is "normal" or "funny" and less about blatant disrespect.  But unless we stop them in the moment they assume it is ok.

I have also heard playground comments that are very "mean girl-esque" that we try to stop right away.  Those I am more surprised about when parents ignore them at birthday parties etc. And we try to distance ourselves from that when possible.

I will stop her friends in my own house and say something like "Woah, that didnt sound very kind"  but it is a fine line right now being the teachers kid and having her lose friendships because I am too "mean."[/quote]

Thank you for the tools to approach this behavior. I agree that kids at this age either don’t know the impact of their words and behaviors and/or are still malleable enough to self-reflect and change. I really appreciate you out there teaching our kids these important lessons. [/quote]

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