Reply to If your spouse ruined something by accident in the process of trying to be helpful, how would you react?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Context matters.

If there’s a history of them ruining my things and shrugging it off with “oops! Mistakes happen!” I’d be furious. To me that divorce-worthy.

A one time mistake and they replace the item? I’d forgive.[/quote]

This.

One off rare accident, they apologize and sensibly set to make it right? Ok work through it.

Pattern of mindless, thoughtless, careless “accidents?” Not OK. 
Followed by a Pattern of excuses, blaming others, no real apology, no real vow to do better? Way not OK. 
They need habit changes, accountability, DBT therapy. [/quote]

My spouse is like this. Carelessly ruins things and then even when asked what happened in a calm neutral tone, tosses blame back. I think it's ADHD. I don't know anything about DBT. How would it help?[/quote]
DBT, if he agrees to do it, is helpful because it baby steps through social and executive functioning skills and habits until the person masters them.
It’s great for adhd and asd kids, but they have to commit and do it. 
It meets in person or zoom 1-2x a week, has modules, and you have to habitualize your habits to pass each module. Then move to the next. So it could take 9 -15 mos depending on if you are actually doing the work.

Things like Greet your spouse and kids each morning; how to manage your anger; Make your bed; tidy up the kitchen before tv time, how to regulate your emotions; how to have difficult conversations, etc. 
It has frameworks for everything. Which is useful for people who don’t have a healthy instinct or process. And it makes them practice it so more muscle memory.

As you can imagine, getting a grown man to do this may be difficult. There is a phenomenon woman in Arlington, VA and works/worked at Georgetown system for a long time who takes adults. Chesapeake in MoCo takes kids, maybe they take adults now too. [/quote]

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