Reply to How do you manage family visits involving kids (pre-teen and teen) and grouchy, sometimes abusive elderly grandparents

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[quote=Anonymous]sorry OP. just commiserating as i just got back from visiting abusive father with my kids at his assisted living. i harbor some guilt for not seeing him more often or even placing him in AL but every time i see him, i remember all the physical/verbal abuse i endured growing up. he's 88 and still yelling at me for no reason whereas he's sweet as pie to the nursing staff.

it's really hard and he begs me to visit more often bc he's lonely and bored but then can't control his behavior and curses at me if i go to the bathroom (where did i go? he needs a pen right now!!). my poor mother put up with him for over 50 years until she passed away 2 years ago. he's enraged that she left him alone so he no longer has anyone to cater to him.

if i were you, i'd definitely limit visits to 1-2x/year, stay in a hotel, and just get together for meals or activity (walk, museum, movie?). i will do the same out of duty, wishing the whole time my mom were still here instead of him.   [/quote]

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