Reply to Parents are overwhelmed w/ selling house and downsizing

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It's how many of you treat your parents' agency and autonomy. It very self centered and disregards that this is the time the parents want to enjoy their space. They don't want to live in a daycare center during their last years. Allowing parents to age in their home is a gift that , for the adult children who understand, that is unmatched. [/quote]

I get this, but a lot of parents expect their kids to do a ton of free labor to make this happen. And this is all at the same time that these “kids” are working and trying to raise their own families.  The “kids” may have to set some firm boundaries. Because you aren’t “living independently” at age 80 if your kids need to shop for you, come help you get up every time you fall, transport you to the doctor 3 times a month, and make sure your house is clean. You may not be in daycare, but you essentially need a full time nanny.

I’m not willing to be an unpaid nanny for a parent while also raising my child with profound special needs who needs 24/7 care, working a full time job and being a mom to a more typical middle school kid. Heck, I outsource a bunch of the care for my kid with profound SN because I’m exhausted by 16 years of changing her diapers. I’m not adding dad’s diapers to my to do list. So if my dad wants to live on his own and basically just eat lean cuisines and call an ambulance when he falls, good for him. I’m not mad about it. I’m not arguing with him about it. And if he dies earlier “living his best life” then good for him. But I’m also not enabling all this.[/quote]

Not everyone needs this much care though, or can afford that level of care even if they sell their home. Idk about lean cuisine and not even calling a child if you fall, there is a whole lot of middle ground between forgotten, sad misery from staying at home alone and a very expensive facility with 24/7 care.[/quote]

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