Reply to Oprah podcast on estranged families

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]   I could not believe how many things Gibson nailed perfectly. She was trying to gently explain to that one mother there is a power differential and that together with a strong personality makes it hard to do "conflict resolution" with some parents. I know with my mother anytime I gently brought up anything it was "I am your mother! You must...."

She also was perfect with the whole idea of how people are under much more stress now. I danced around my mother's difficult behavior and people pleased for decades to keep the peace. Between covid lockdown, my husband's prolonged illness, my father in law's emergency and then our daughter's emergency surgery over the course of several years, I had nothing left to give and through it all mom was all "me, me, me" and trying every tactic possible to manipulate. She did not have an ounce of empathy, just fury that my attention was not on her. I finally understood I could try to appease her and she would not be satisfied, or I could distance and do nothing and she would not be satisfied, but I would time to recover for all this mess.

There is nothing I miss. I have some contact, but when she decides to punish me and have none, it's even better. I only mourn what I never had, but mostly I have accepted that.
   [/quote]

I also loved that comment from Gibson on how much stress people are under now. The expectations for everything are so high at work, as a parent, from friends. But work pays you money, your kids are totally dependent on you, and your friends actually treat you nicely (hopefully). If you have a functional relationship with your parents, it should contribute positively to all that, be a source of security and meaning. But when it's dysfunctional, and requires a level of patience and restraint even beyond what parenting requires, you just... run out. [/quote]

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