Reply to What kind of relationship expectations do you have when you are 40-60?

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[quote=Anonymous]I am 55 and divorced after 5+ years of separation from my ex. 3 or 4 years ago, I'd have said– I did say– I could not imagine ever wanting to live with anyone again, much less marry again, if I got divorced. I meant it, too! I was soooo happy to be living alone, without my unstable and sometimes verbally abusive husband. And my kids had just gone off to college, and though I adore them, it was so amazing, after 20+ years of making dinner and so on, to only be taking care of myself at home. I loved it. Even imagining getting into a new relationship felt like... so much work.

But then a I started dating an amazing man. We were friends before we started dating and I remember an conversation with him about our respective marriages (both of which were ending) and what we each could and could not imagine wanting in the future. I said I never wanted to re-marry or live with anyone again, and wasn't even sure about sharing a bedroom with anyone ever again. He said he never wanted to be in a monogamous relationship ever again, and thought that after he got divorced he would just want to have low key FWB relationships, maybe with several people.

Fast forward a couple years and we are talking about moving in together. He's like "yeah I was being a dumbass – I was reacting to decades in a sexless marriage with a controlling wife." I'm like, "yeah I was being a dumbass – I was reacting to decades in a difficult marriage with a man with anger issues and severe mood swings." I still don't want to re-marry – yet. But when I look three or four or five years ahead, I can now imagine getting re-married, if this relationship continues and remains as happy as it has been so far.

My point being, what you want often changes. Even in middle age! Something that sounds good in theory can end up not feeling right in practice. Or you meet someone who blows all your assumptions out of the water.[/quote]

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