I have my own place and don’t want to keep house for anyone again so I can’t see myself getting remarried or moving in with someone. I also don’t want to be in a monogamous relationship again where I’m stuck relying on someone else for sexual fulfillment. Currently, I have someone that I date and do activities with and someone who is mostly a sex-only relationship.

Anonymous wrote:I live at her house 2/3 of the time, but the 1/3 of the time when we live near each other and are together in the evenings is crucial to keeping the magic strong. She gets her house back in those periods and starts missing me sleeping next to her and bringing her coffee and breakfast in bed every morning. Her former husband is older — I am five years younger — we have no heavy responsibilities or stresses at this stage in life, so we’re just enjoying the land of milk and honey/days of wine and roses, and she has a shiny new partner with far fewer miles on his odometer.

If I was constantly at her place I think we would eventually develop resentments. She has a moderately demanding hobby job, and I’m retired. She lived alone in her house for years, and it’s just never pristine the way she likes it when I’m there with my stuff. But she absolutely would rather be there than at my (beautiful-but-too-rustic-for-her-tastes) place.

With my ex, our marriage had devolved into a bickering-roommates/nearly-loveless slog, and she did me a huge favor by insisting on ending it.

Your relationship sounds so perfect to me. Hoping if I can’t turn my marriage around that I can find this.

I live at her house 2/3 of the time, but the 1/3 of the time when we live near each other and are together in the evenings is crucial to keeping the magic strong. She gets her house back in those periods and starts missing me sleeping next to her and bringing her coffee and breakfast in bed every morning. Her former husband is older — I am five years younger — we have no heavy responsibilities or stresses at this stage in life, so we’re just enjoying the land of milk and honey/days of wine and roses, and she has a shiny new partner with far fewer miles on his odometer.

If I was constantly at her place I think we would eventually develop resentments. She has a moderately demanding hobby job, and I’m retired. She lived alone in her house for years, and it’s just never pristine the way she likes it when I’m there with my stuff. But she absolutely would rather be there than at my (beautiful-but-too-rustic-for-her-tastes) place.

With my ex, our marriage had devolved into a bickering-roommates/nearly-loveless slog, and she did me a huge favor by insisting on ending it.

I am 55 and divorced after 5+ years of separation from my ex. 3 or 4 years ago, I'd have said– I did say– I could not imagine ever wanting to live with anyone again, much less marry again, if I got divorced. I meant it, too! I was soooo happy to be living alone, without my unstable and sometimes verbally abusive husband. And my kids had just gone off to college, and though I adore them, it was so amazing, after 20+ years of making dinner and so on, to only be taking care of myself at home. I loved it. Even imagining getting into a new relationship felt like... so much work.

But then a I started dating an amazing man. We were friends before we started dating and I remember an conversation with him about our respective marriages (both of which were ending) and what we each could and could not imagine wanting in the future. I said I never wanted to re-marry or live with anyone again, and wasn't even sure about sharing a bedroom with anyone ever again. He said he never wanted to be in a monogamous relationship ever again, and thought that after he got divorced he would just want to have low key FWB relationships, maybe with several people.

Fast forward a couple years and we are talking about moving in together. He's like "yeah I was being a dumbass – I was reacting to decades in a sexless marriage with a controlling wife." I'm like, "yeah I was being a dumbass – I was reacting to decades in a difficult marriage with a man with anger issues and severe mood swings." I still don't want to re-marry – yet. But when I look three or four or five years ahead, I can now imagine getting re-married, if this relationship continues and remains as happy as it has been so far.

My point being, what you want often changes. Even in middle age! Something that sounds good in theory can end up not feeling right in practice. Or you meet someone who blows all your assumptions out of the water.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I expect her to be able to pay for herself.

We are happy to as long as the man is great looking sexy and younger than our age.

Fair enough. I guess then I’m only paying if she’s great looking, sexy and younger than me.

It’s usually the case for me as a woman, so men always pay for dates.

Truth. I never paid for a date. What’s the point in dating if you have to pay?

So, you’re both freeloaders. Got it.

When men start dating older women and bring more to the table in grace, energy, cooking for me, servicing us in bed with their hard young bodies then women would be inviting them to dates. But men want to date at lest 5 years younger, women are less economically protected and make less on average. It's pointless to date men if going Dutch

Women aren’t going Dutch on dates with older men.

Correct. He is older, should be more well off, wiser, and also trying to court a younger woman who potentially has many suitors and choices. She also is his potential future partner and caretaker. Why would she pay?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I expect her to be able to pay for herself.

We are happy to as long as the man is great looking sexy and younger than our age.

Fair enough. I guess then I’m only paying if she’s great looking, sexy and younger than me.

It’s usually the case for me as a woman, so men always pay for dates.

Truth. I never paid for a date. What’s the point in dating if you have to pay?

So, you’re both freeloaders. Got it.

When men start dating older women and bring more to the table in grace, energy, cooking for me, servicing us in bed with their hard young bodies then women would be inviting them to dates. But men want to date at lest 5 years younger, women are less economically protected and make less on average. It's pointless to date men if going Dutch

Women aren’t going Dutch on dates with older men.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I expect her to be able to pay for herself.

We are happy to as long as the man is great looking sexy and younger than our age.

Fair enough. I guess then I’m only paying if she’s great looking, sexy and younger than me.

It’s usually the case for me as a woman, so men always pay for dates.

Truth. I never paid for a date. What’s the point in dating if you have to pay?

So, you’re both freeloaders. Got it.

When men start dating older women and bring more to the table in grace, energy, cooking for me, servicing us in bed with their hard young bodies then women would be inviting them to dates. But men want to date at lest 5 years younger, women are less economically protected and make less on average. It's pointless to date men if going Dutch

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I expect her to be able to pay for herself.

We are happy to as long as the man is great looking sexy and younger than our age.

Fair enough. I guess then I’m only paying if she’s great looking, sexy and younger than me.

It’s usually the case for me as a woman, so men always pay for dates.

Truth. I never paid for a date. What’s the point in dating if you have to pay?

So, you’re both freeloaders. Got it.

Just letting them be gentlemen and graciously accepting.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I expect her to be able to pay for herself.

We are happy to as long as the man is great looking sexy and younger than our age.

Fair enough. I guess then I’m only paying if she’s great looking, sexy and younger than me.

It’s usually the case for me as a woman, so men always pay for dates.

Truth. I never paid for a date. What’s the point in dating if you have to pay?

So, you’re both freeloaders. Got it.