Reply to I havr a crush on my coworker

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I've been on both sides before.

More recently was earlier this year. I'm the single one, he's married. I really don't think either of us had ill intent, but I developed a crush without realizing it. He, his wife, and I all work for the same place but in different departments now. I know her and really really like her and them as a couple. I'd met him once through her the previous year, thought he was a great guy, but wasn't at all attracted, because I thought of him as so-and-so's husband.

Several months ago, he stopped by my department to see someone, but I was the only person left. I offered to try to help him even though it's not something my team handles, primarily because I'm cool with his wife and he was travelling soon. He came by around 430p and we ended up talking until 7pm! It came as a shock to both of us, because time flew and I was supposed to leave at 5. Turns out, we were both switching (or trying) to switch to the same career field internally. Its really hard to get in and he'd just gotten in months earlier. I was going through the process and had another interview coming up that I was nervous about. The job requires alot of travel so he gave me tips and we talked about impact on family, etc. It was just so nice to find somebody who knew exactly how I felt. The conversation evolved to many subjects but nothing inappropriate. When we left that evening, I remember being a little concerned that someone would see us walking out together, which shouldve been my first clue that I was developing a crush. Denial starts here.

He never used to have a reason to come by my dept before that day, but now he was stopping by a 1-2 times a week. He would go see the person he was looking for that night for a minute and then stop by my desk for 15 mins or so. I was always happy to see him too. I rationalized that this was safe. He wasn't the type of guy to cheat on his wife (I still stand by this actually), I don't date married men, and I really like his wife and want their marriage to work. We were JUST talking. I was only excited to see him because he's a good person and he was really helpful. What's wrong with that? After the first couple of weeks, my coworker made a comment that he really had no reason to come by and see her other than the first time.

Fast forward another 2 weeks of this and my coworker asks me what is going on between us. She's like an informal mentor/aunt, gives me great advice personally and professionally. She said that we really seemed to have a "connection". I'm so glad she said something to me, because it really made me think and ultimately pull back. She was right, there was lots of chemistry there and I'm sure he was weak at the time and we probably bonded because of that.

I am pretty sure his wife had just had an emotional affair herself with another guy at work. She's nice, beautiful, and quite naive. We're all in our 20s and I know that she was still in undergrad when they married, possibly both of them were. Many of us women noticed what was going on and a couple of older married women felt compelled enough to talk to her about it (she heeded their advice and the guy disappeared). He would be dumb not to know about it. We've all been at the same holiday parties and it was obvious this guy was up to no good. I'm probably not painting either of them in the best light, but they're two truly nice, good people. My guess is that he connected to me based on problems in the marriage. I've been there before and its easy to emotionally connect to someone else when you're having problems at home.

I haven't seen or talked to him since my coworker said something, by the way.[/quote]

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