Anonymous
12/27/2012 21:14
Subject: Re:I havr a crush on my coworker
Are you 12? Or 65?
Anonymous
12/27/2012 21:10
Subject: I havr a crush on my coworker
I would just sleep with him and never talk about it. You only live once.
Anonymous
12/27/2012 21:02
Subject: I havr a crush on my coworker
Anonymous wrote:OP, you are idealizing him. He is a human being with faults like all of us.
I know. If he wasn't so damned hot, it wouldn't be a problem.
Anonymous
12/27/2012 20:17
Subject: I havr a crush on my coworker
OP, you are idealizing him. He is a human being with faults like all of us.
Anonymous
12/27/2012 17:45
Subject: I havr a crush on my coworker
But especially the credit.
Anonymous
12/27/2012 16:43
Subject: I havr a crush on my coworker
He might be a sociopath. Imagine his bad credit. And skid marks in his underwear.
Anonymous
12/27/2012 16:27
Subject: I havr a crush on my coworker
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I lusted after a few female coworkers, in my mind only. That workplace was not the place for romance at all. Too many ways for things to backfire and a gossip machine you could not escape.
OP here and I couldn't agree more. Neither of us would ever do anything. I don't want to ruin my marriage and as I originally stated he is kind and decent, so if he was inclined to make a move he wouldn't anyway. I am more concerned about the emotional ramifications and I don't want to start comparing DH to this guy.
Um, if he's not interested in doing anything, why is he inviting his married co-worker to repeated lunches and after work drinks???
I agree with the PP who said focus on your own relationship. It's not enough that you "wouldn't cheat on your DH" - figure out what's missing that makes this guy so super-interesting and try to spice up your marriage.
Focusing on the work guy just gives more power to the chemistry that is already there, and if you walk aaround all day saying "Don't think about him. Don't think about him." you'll be thinking about him all the time.
Focus on spicing up your marriage... maybe plan an overseas trip for you and DH since that seems to be part of the intrigue for you. And if you can't afford the trip, figure out how to network better with local opporunities to connect with other cultures. You do live in the DC area, right? There are a million international activities and centers in this area.
Anonymous
12/27/2012 16:25
Subject: I havr a crush on my coworker
OP, I've been on both sides before.
More recently was earlier this year. I'm the single one, he's married. I really don't think either of us had ill intent, but I developed a crush without realizing it. He, his wife, and I all work for the same place but in different departments now. I know her and really really like her and them as a couple. I'd met him once through her the previous year, thought he was a great guy, but wasn't at all attracted, because I thought of him as so-and-so's husband.
Several months ago, he stopped by my department to see someone, but I was the only person left. I offered to try to help him even though it's not something my team handles, primarily because I'm cool with his wife and he was travelling soon. He came by around 430p and we ended up talking until 7pm! It came as a shock to both of us, because time flew and I was supposed to leave at 5. Turns out, we were both switching (or trying) to switch to the same career field internally. Its really hard to get in and he'd just gotten in months earlier. I was going through the process and had another interview coming up that I was nervous about. The job requires alot of travel so he gave me tips and we talked about impact on family, etc. It was just so nice to find somebody who knew exactly how I felt. The conversation evolved to many subjects but nothing inappropriate. When we left that evening, I remember being a little concerned that someone would see us walking out together, which shouldve been my first clue that I was developing a crush. Denial starts here.
He never used to have a reason to come by my dept before that day, but now he was stopping by a 1-2 times a week. He would go see the person he was looking for that night for a minute and then stop by my desk for 15 mins or so. I was always happy to see him too. I rationalized that this was safe. He wasn't the type of guy to cheat on his wife (I still stand by this actually), I don't date married men, and I really like his wife and want their marriage to work. We were JUST talking. I was only excited to see him because he's a good person and he was really helpful. What's wrong with that? After the first couple of weeks, my coworker made a comment that he really had no reason to come by and see her other than the first time.
Fast forward another 2 weeks of this and my coworker asks me what is going on between us. She's like an informal mentor/aunt, gives me great advice personally and professionally. She said that we really seemed to have a "connection". I'm so glad she said something to me, because it really made me think and ultimately pull back. She was right, there was lots of chemistry there and I'm sure he was weak at the time and we probably bonded because of that.
I am pretty sure his wife had just had an emotional affair herself with another guy at work. She's nice, beautiful, and quite naive. We're all in our 20s and I know that she was still in undergrad when they married, possibly both of them were. Many of us women noticed what was going on and a couple of older married women felt compelled enough to talk to her about it (she heeded their advice and the guy disappeared). He would be dumb not to know about it. We've all been at the same holiday parties and it was obvious this guy was up to no good. I'm probably not painting either of them in the best light, but they're two truly nice, good people. My guess is that he connected to me based on problems in the marriage. I've been there before and its easy to emotionally connect to someone else when you're having problems at home.
I haven't seen or talked to him since my coworker said something, by the way.
More recently was earlier this year. I'm the single one, he's married. I really don't think either of us had ill intent, but I developed a crush without realizing it. He, his wife, and I all work for the same place but in different departments now. I know her and really really like her and them as a couple. I'd met him once through her the previous year, thought he was a great guy, but wasn't at all attracted, because I thought of him as so-and-so's husband.
Several months ago, he stopped by my department to see someone, but I was the only person left. I offered to try to help him even though it's not something my team handles, primarily because I'm cool with his wife and he was travelling soon. He came by around 430p and we ended up talking until 7pm! It came as a shock to both of us, because time flew and I was supposed to leave at 5. Turns out, we were both switching (or trying) to switch to the same career field internally. Its really hard to get in and he'd just gotten in months earlier. I was going through the process and had another interview coming up that I was nervous about. The job requires alot of travel so he gave me tips and we talked about impact on family, etc. It was just so nice to find somebody who knew exactly how I felt. The conversation evolved to many subjects but nothing inappropriate. When we left that evening, I remember being a little concerned that someone would see us walking out together, which shouldve been my first clue that I was developing a crush. Denial starts here.
He never used to have a reason to come by my dept before that day, but now he was stopping by a 1-2 times a week. He would go see the person he was looking for that night for a minute and then stop by my desk for 15 mins or so. I was always happy to see him too. I rationalized that this was safe. He wasn't the type of guy to cheat on his wife (I still stand by this actually), I don't date married men, and I really like his wife and want their marriage to work. We were JUST talking. I was only excited to see him because he's a good person and he was really helpful. What's wrong with that? After the first couple of weeks, my coworker made a comment that he really had no reason to come by and see her other than the first time.
Fast forward another 2 weeks of this and my coworker asks me what is going on between us. She's like an informal mentor/aunt, gives me great advice personally and professionally. She said that we really seemed to have a "connection". I'm so glad she said something to me, because it really made me think and ultimately pull back. She was right, there was lots of chemistry there and I'm sure he was weak at the time and we probably bonded because of that.
I am pretty sure his wife had just had an emotional affair herself with another guy at work. She's nice, beautiful, and quite naive. We're all in our 20s and I know that she was still in undergrad when they married, possibly both of them were. Many of us women noticed what was going on and a couple of older married women felt compelled enough to talk to her about it (she heeded their advice and the guy disappeared). He would be dumb not to know about it. We've all been at the same holiday parties and it was obvious this guy was up to no good. I'm probably not painting either of them in the best light, but they're two truly nice, good people. My guess is that he connected to me based on problems in the marriage. I've been there before and its easy to emotionally connect to someone else when you're having problems at home.
I haven't seen or talked to him since my coworker said something, by the way.
Anonymous
12/27/2012 12:57
Subject: I havr a crush on my coworker
I dunno OP. I have this work crush on a dark haired woman with enormous boobs who happens to also be an investment analyst. So I go home and my wife gets to benefit from the sexual tension. Now tonight give your DH a night he will never forget and laugh about it tomorrow.
Anonymous
12/26/2012 21:10
Subject: I havr a crush on my coworker
This is your Bad Self again OP. Ignore the loser above. He wants YOU. Badly, deeply, madly. An you want HIM. Deeply. DEEPLY. You want to pleasure him -- and he truly wants to pleasure you -- in ways your husband never, and never could, imagine.
Go to him, he calls you, you CAN'T refuse, when you ain't got. . .
OK, yeah, I plagiarized that last line, but what would passion be without a nod to desolation?
Go to him, he calls you, you CAN'T refuse, when you ain't got. . .
OK, yeah, I plagiarized that last line, but what would passion be without a nod to desolation?
Anonymous
12/26/2012 20:16
Subject: Re:I havr a crush on my coworker
OP -
BTDT: Here's my god's honest advice. Avoid him like the plague. Make up excuses and only interact with him at work as much as you professionally have to. You are just fueling his ego and he has no real interest in you. He probably just senses you are into him and he likes the ego stroke, not really you. Every ounce of energy you feed into this fantasy you are taking out of your real relationship, your marriage. He has all the upsides - no arguments, no give and take, no dealing with the kids and finances - while you have to deal with day to day real life crap with your husband. Your husband can never compete with a fantasy. Start seeing the fantasy guy for the jerk he is (because he is just using you) and then you can focus better on your real life with your husband. Also, start spending more special time (date nights, dinners alone, sex, etc.) reconnecting with your husband. Your dreams of your fantasy guy will then to start appropriately fade away.
BTDT: Here's my god's honest advice. Avoid him like the plague. Make up excuses and only interact with him at work as much as you professionally have to. You are just fueling his ego and he has no real interest in you. He probably just senses you are into him and he likes the ego stroke, not really you. Every ounce of energy you feed into this fantasy you are taking out of your real relationship, your marriage. He has all the upsides - no arguments, no give and take, no dealing with the kids and finances - while you have to deal with day to day real life crap with your husband. Your husband can never compete with a fantasy. Start seeing the fantasy guy for the jerk he is (because he is just using you) and then you can focus better on your real life with your husband. Also, start spending more special time (date nights, dinners alone, sex, etc.) reconnecting with your husband. Your dreams of your fantasy guy will then to start appropriately fade away.
Anonymous
12/26/2012 18:15
Subject: I havr a crush on my coworker
Do it. It would be hotter than anything that you've ever done. You'll get it out of your system, and you'll be a better wife and mother for it. Eventually, you will look back on it as a vacation from reality, one from which you will come back from refreshed (if sweaty and a little sore, but in a good way).
Signed,
YOUR BAD SELF
Signed,
YOUR BAD SELF
Anonymous
12/26/2012 18:12
Subject: I havr a crush on my coworker
Anonymous wrote:Or do him. Life is short. Think how good, how REALLY good, how REALLY hot, it would be.
[Look, somebody had to say it. Popcorn, anyone?]
LOL, but see, I'm trying NOT to think about that. I think the novelty on top of all the things I'm attracted to would be pretty hot. I have to remember that a shitstorm would follow though.
Anonymous
12/26/2012 17:57
Subject: I havr a crush on my coworker
Or do him. Life is short. Think how good, how REALLY good, how REALLY hot, it would be.
[Look, somebody had to say it. Popcorn, anyone?]
[Look, somebody had to say it. Popcorn, anyone?]
Anonymous
12/26/2012 16:54
Subject: I havr a crush on my coworker
Anonymous wrote:Yes, OP I have. OMG the fantasies, the dreams.... overwhelming how strong they can be. Luckily for me we work in different cities... met on work trip, and both are Catholic and love our spouses. Focus on negatives, things about him that you know would drive you crazy, farting, pooping, loss of your life if you did anything. It will fade into an occasional fantasy which you can use to get excited and have sex with your husband. Focus on why you chose your husband in the first place. Sometimes it is attraction or sometimes it just seems like you knew each other from a different life. Be friendly, make sure a 3rd person is at any lunch or hh you attend.
Thank you.