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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. For those of you going on about Starbucks or even $1000 purses, our problem is much bigger than that.  I could bury my head in the sand if it were a couple of thousand dollars of discretionary spending.  My spouse is taking out significant debt to finance non-essential things I don't value.  My need for financial security directly conflicts with their need to spend (finance) big-ticket items I don't value.   They believe things will work out, income will continue to grow, and illiquid investments will pay off.   I am holding them back, and they are causing me anxiety.   [/quote]

That sucks, OP. You need to keep finances 100% separate (which could be tough depending on who is the bigger breadwinner). No co-signing. No exceptions. If you can't do that while married... then you're next decision is a tough one. This is bigger than saver vs spender. This is a difference in values and willingness to compromise. [/quote]

We're already in therapy.  We have some degree of separation and shared accounts.   We have an irresolvable, zero-sum conflict that has created so much resentment. I've tried and failed to find a middle ground.  Staying married means (i) forcing my will on my spouse and living with their resentment over not being able to take out debt and spend freely, or (ii) allowing them to force their will on me, and living with the anxiety I feel every month as our checking account goes to zero. Unfortunately, as the lower-earning and spending spouse, I can't make and save enough separate money to compensate for the debt they can incur.   But I do make enough money to support myself if we divorce.  [/quote]

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