Reply to If you're on a second marriage, tell me about jt.

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Reply to "If you're on a second marriage, tell me about jt."

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Sometimes it feels simpler for the people in it, but it can make life more complicated for everyone else. It's not a do-over.[/quote]

Not so much a do-over-- we're not having kids or anything-- but definitely a second chance at happiness. Not sure where "everyone else" comes into that. [/quote]

The other humans in your family! Your children if you have them. Anyone else who has to interact with your new partner. It's not necessarily simpler for them.[/quote]

Ah. Perhaps you are assuming that that wasn't part of the initial qualifications. But "must get along with my grown children" was absolutely at the top of the list. I know there are people who don't consider this a dealbreaker, but for me, I wouldn't even go on a second date with someone who wasn't good enough to have a pleasant meal with my kids.

And I don't give a tiny rat's ass what anyone else thinks of my second chapter. [i]That's the whole point. [/i][/quote]

But see, liking or getting along with someone doesn't mean life is simpler with them in it. I like my stepsiblings just fine, for example, but all of our family occasions now need to be planned with them and their spouses and children taken into account. I'm fine with this, but it's not simpler. Not for them either. [/quote]

And you need to be the one taking everyone into account right? Wrong. Here's the dirty little secret: no one will die if you don't do all the things. Either someone will step up, or they won't, but it doesn't have to be you. Maybe you love it! I did, for years. I felt like the glue; essential. But when the complete lack of respect for me as a person became impossible to ignore, I resigned from the role of planner/ executor/ errand fairy/ trauma dumpster, and no one died.

Now there's someone asking what he can do for me, how he can take care of me, what I need. Not giving me a laundry list of what he needs [i]from[/i] me. After years of being the wife/ mother/ daughter/ daughter-in-law, it's downright intoxicating. My kids love seeing it, and I actually think it's been a good object lesson for them. You need to take care of the people who take care of you. You have the right to be taken care of. [/quote]

But you still want everyone to accommodate your remarriage, right?[/quote]

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