Reply to 19yo DD failed her freshman year and now is at home refusing to work or go to school

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[quote=Anonymous]Does she say why she no longer wants to work? I do think that is the lowest hanging fruit right now….you state that after hs she either has to get a job or go to school. No options. Give her 6 weeks? I think hiring is slow but she should be able to get a retail job. But this can be a battle if they won’t apply!

Second, I would let her know that it is not unusual for students ( I don’t have #s but I worked at a community college for a few years in advising and saw this) drop out, fail out, or miss home and leave after freshman year. She absolutely can start again and pursue an associates. Happens a lot. After that, she can transfer to a 4 yr if that is what she wants.

If not, she can consider fire/ rescue, police, military, culinary,  beauty, real estate schools/ etc programs.

I would do what others advise and not pay for her phone/ only flip phone, not let her borrow the car, and she cannot come home intoxicated. This one is hard as I am sure it is hard to enforce and then what do you do short of rehab which is $$$.

I’d also say she has to cook dinner 2x a week, or cut grass…just anything she can do to help around the house. Also, she has to be up and downstairs by 10 am everyday. Even if lying on the couch.

You probably have thought of these things but wanted to offer something.

A friend’s dc going through this ( though no drinking just failure to go to school or work). It has gone on for 3 years - just won’t even consider work. Boggles the mind. However, are now asking to start at community college and has signed up!

On my end, we had one semester of this with a dc caused by depression. Ours did some of what I suggested above- looked for a job, was up by 9 am and downstairs, occasionally cooked. Fortunately, they were open to talk therapy and meds (did not drink but did soothe with food and hid it so gained a bit of weight). They will graduate this year!

Really wishing you only the very best. Xo [/quote]

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